Got Another New Doctor

Dr. Kelley and her nurse Joanne at Wound Care - I added another two great people to my list of a wonderful medical team.  I started at Wound Care on Friday morning.  A very thorough initial visit.  I left with a new ointment to touch up my right side.  The open area already looks dramatically better.  Dr. Kelley had the results to the culture that Dr. Marble took on Tuesday.  Came back positive... but the antibiotic Dr. Marble started me on is the key to the type of infection that I have.  My system is still off, and I can barely keep my eyes open at this time of night.  Slowly I heal, but heal I do.  I am still making sure I can maintain my balance between my health, work, home, and my mom's current status.  Her cancer is progressing rapidly into her brain and bones this past week.  Taking one day at a time for all of us.

The aforementioned Sunrise :-)

Does Working Out Make You Cry?

I got released from medical suspension to return to the gym.  Do you groan over that thought?  Ok so many of you really know me - I am a major weeper.  I was happy teary on the way to the gym Saturday.  Returning to the gym with Bill was wonderful.  It was a place of tremendous support for me during chemo - attending the Well Fit program.  We joined they gym after the program ended for me.  I feel better when I can go.  There are so many variations on what I can do, even when struggling with meds or fingernail-less hands, or no hair chills.  With this wonderful warm weather it is a double deal for my body.  Getting to the gym to get back some tone and stamina, and wonderful warmth makes for a good start to the day.  Thursdays and Saturdays are my days right now.  I hope to add more as I get the right side of my body healed.  Bill and I got to the gym at 4:55a.m. just waited a minute or two for the doors to be unlocked with a crowd of others.  We got our routines done, went to the beach bagel shop for coffee, and headed to the beach for sunrise.  Great day.  Hope you all get your cogs turning today.  Enjoy the day!

Is There A Sale On Antibiotics - Nope!

Saw Dr Marble and Sue yesterday.  Got myself another antibiotic for another 14 day course.  I haven't had any fevers lately, so that is very good.  I record my temp a couple of times a day.  Still trying to get the small area on the right side to finish closing up.  I am going to go to Wound Care and meet some new people.  Dr Marble took a small sample of tissue for culture.  My fingernails are still receding, and my hair is thinning slightly again.  Not at all like the chemo shedding, just my body putting energy toward healing my right side.  Both will spring back in late spring early summer no doubt.  I am still sleeping pretty well without chemical aide. I need all the sleep I can get while life remains a little challenging.  My mother remains stable as we work with hospice.  She has a Fentanyl patch that has really helps keep her pain managed much better than just traditional pain pills.  I am doing my best to stay well.  Thank you all again for your cards, emails, hugs, kisses, prayers and great vibes.  As the saying goes there's just no planning for life.  Onward I roll.

Oh The Warmth

My body still rejects the cold.  It turns me into a hunked over slow person.  I crave the warmth.  I still use a portable heater in the bathroom and that's with the house heat still set to 70.  But you know what?  You do what works.  Part of the flex theme...  My body still has the purge going on - from chemo -  my setback with infections, and a long time on the high dose antibiotics.  My fingernails are receding again.  My hair remains baby fine.  I'm tired, but sleeping well.  Haven't used chemical aid on that front in weeks.  Believe me, with all the drugs that have been in my life, there have been many days I felt I'd always need them.  I was assured I wouldn't need them always and to be patient.  It's so hard to be patient while battling, healing, fighting, healing, accepting, healing, finding patience, and healing. 

Jeepers Creepers Where'd We Get Those Peepers?

Not the optical ones but the wonderful ones down singing in our ponds.  First night of peepers and it is my favorite part of spring being on the horizon.
I went to Matt's service last night and that was so very hard.  I must take it all in that there is renewal and I am part of that.  I am still fighting to keep myself healthy.  Bill and I have our eyses on my right side still.  I am eating well with all my liver loving foods.  It pays to be good to your filter!
I am trying to protect my mental self while facing my mother's illness.  Her pain increases daily, and I am learning with the help of the hospice nurse how to tweak her pain medications to find the needed formula for each day.  It will flex many many times.
That is what I will do - flex.  One day at a time.

Snowy Saturday

Getting up early today.  Thinking of Matt who passed yesterday. May he rest in peace.  Just 43 years old.  It is another reminder to live a good, happy life.  Today we'll pick up my mum and dad for dads 82nd birthday, head to Newicks and get some lobster.  Mum wanted a date night tonight so told dad where to get the tickets for Dancing with the Dover Stars!  It'll be held tonight at Dover High School and they'll have a great time.  Behind the scenes hospice is checking in and giving updates about what to do next.  I'll touch base with my siblings today.  For me it was a busy work week, but I have a slight hot spot on my right incision.  Seemly came out of nowhere.  Just keeping an eye on it until next week when I check in with Dr. Marble again.  Both Bill and I are tired.  He's still sleeping, just letting his catch up a bit.  He helps keep me going in the right direction on the days it can be challenging.  The day is already getting nice and bright as I write this note.  Time to get off the computer and get on with a good day.  Enjoy the snow scene before it's stepped on or plowed over!  It sure is beautiful out there.

Another Powerful Tuesday

I have put peaceful vibes out each day for those who still struggle.  I just heard today that another's beloved mother lost her battle with lung cancer last Tuesday.  I am looking forward to the full moon this Thursday to change the vibe.  I need the power to go WITH the battle. 

I got a good check-up this morning with Dr. Marble.  Sue took my fishing line out (stitches) and things look good.  That's a start.  I was calculating that I have had over 64 days on antibiotics since November.  34 of them on high dose, kick ass, drugs.  Using the powerful meds to go with my mind, and go my way.

Under the sun, the moon, and the stars is generally a beautiful place to be.  Keeping my eyes to the sky this week to keep my pull directed at the force of life that supports the positive.

Power In The Universe

I knew there was a reason Tuesday seemed so powerful, Matt cannot receive anymore treatment, Joanne lost her 5th battle with cancer, and my mom was diagnosed with metastatic lung cancer.  It has been an emotionally draining week. 

Bill was in San Fransico for a conference and wasn't due back until Saturday afternoon.  He came back early on Friday to surprise me and as always provide emotional support.  Just a hug from him makes me feel better. 

My brother, sister and I met with my mom and dad yesterday to go over all the results of her past two weeks of testing.  Even though mom has been a life long smoker it was hard to hear the words.  In addition to her cancer, she was also found to have a "catastrophic aneurysm" in her aorta.  Her cancer is so advanced there will not be any further medical intervention. 

The family hopes to keep mom at home as long as possible.  She has numerous allergies to pain meds so we will be looking to the medical team and hospice to come up with the best cocktail for her to keep her pain free. 

Back from the Left Coast...

Home. Finally. Redeye fluplane from SFO to BOS via MSP with a non-exit row middle seat which wouldn't stay up, a screaming IIA (infant in arms) in front of me and two seat-mates who obviously have waaay maller bubbles than me who at one point were both leaning / snoring inwards resting on my bubble.

RSAC (http://rsaconference.com/index.htm) was a great week, but it is always better to be home. Met a lot of new friends, connected finally, in person with a number whom I have known, but never seen, and reconnected with many old friends.

Tuckered Out On Tuesday

Life was straining today.  Work and daily trials were easy.  I am preoccupied with Matt whom I have mentioned before.  He is struggling and is inpatient.  Getting great care but his body is weak and the cancer has spread and continues to grow.  I hope you will all send the power of whatever your positive is to him in prayers, peaceful thoughts, good vibes.  All mean so much.

Saturday Night It's Alright

Took Bill to the bus station for the 4:00am bus this morning.  He's in San Fransico for the week for a conference.  This is weird being separated.  He has been by my side for 20 months of sheer hell, so it's strange to get back to normal sometimes.  I was able to get back to work full time this week.  That felt good, but it wiped me out so rest is the name of the game for the weekend.  Since Bill had that cold/congested/wheezing/snort sleep pattern for these past few weeks we will probably get some good sleep while on two separate coasts.  Skype was invented for travel times like his.  So I'll get my beauty rest to look good on camera!  Meanwhile the PICC line hole is healing, stiches are holding, my incision looks good, and my temp remains stable.  All good stuff for a quiet Saturday night.

Slitherings

PICC-no-more... Tracy had her PICC line plucked out just a short while ago. She said it sort of "slithered" out through her vein as Dr. Lee tugged.. We are now celebrating with greasy breakfast food (Biscuits and Sausage Gravy for me, plain old boring omelet for her). Other than a few stitches and some sticky DermaBond over the latest incision, things are looking up. Now - back home to plug in and get back to work for the rest of the day.

Fishing For Good Healing

I saw Dr. Marble today and she gave me a thumbs up for the revised left side.  The stitches remain in for another 10 days or so.  I've looked at numerous stitches now over time and the little looped knot on the outside reminds me of fishing line. Very fine fishing line.  One must make sure not to hook it though in this case.  The dermabond covers the incision and is a good healing superglue.  I don't like to envision what it took to get my new fishing line so I am focusing on good clean lines and good clean results.

Showered

So far the revision looks good. Initially it felt like the surgery was done with a hot poker, but that has subsided and I am getting as much rest this weekend as I can stand. The initial firery feeling caused me to receive much Fentanyl in recovery. It upset my stomach on the way home from the hospital and later that night. I am still pushing the fluids to get all the extra drugs purged. 

As part of my mental healing Bill wrapped up my PICC line today as I was approved post surgicially to take a shower.  I told him I just wanted to stand there and drain the hot water tank.  The nurses at the hospital had told us about using this wrap and that it was the best.  Since having the line in it has proved true, and no moisture has gotten to the dressing for the line.  I hope to get it out this coming Wednesday.  I have a check-up with Dr. Marble this Tuesday and expect her to say things are coming along well.

Home. Again.

We rolled in around 4:30 or so.  Plunked Tracy down in her chair, and I went off to find drugs. Came home with pain killers, yet more antibiotics, and Sudafed (for me).

Deja Vu

Today is “revision” day.  The persistent little wound which we think caused all of the infection mess from the last few weeks finally turned necrotic.  If it were a fingernail turning black, or some other un-used extremity, I’d say “live with it”, but – of course with Tracy’s situation – that’s not a happening thing. So - a little swab swab, snip snip, tug tug, sew sew, swab swab, wrap wrap, and we're done. Again. 

I'm all for this, as I'd rather not have to use my Domestic Zombie fighting skills so soon, if you know what I mean?

And - a new procedure here in the OR – we were issued a Frequent Flyer card when we arrived.  Apparently, five times in, and you get a free oven mitt. I think we’re there...

I’ll have an update posted later today.

Oh, and I just want to point out, that  nowhere in the Merriam-Webster dictionary does it speak to revision as used in the context of a surgical do-over.  (see below)

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/revision

re·vi·sion

noun \ri-ˈvi-zhən\

Definition of REVISION

1 a: an act of revising b: a result of revising : alteration

2: a revised version

— re·vi·sion·ary \-zhə-ˌner-ē\adjective

See revision defined for English-language learners »

See revision defined for kids »

Examples of REVISION

1.     This edition is filled with revisions.

2.     A revision of the theory will be necessary.

3.     They made revisions to the book.

4.     The teacher gave me some suggestions for revision.

5.     This is the original version, not the revision.

6.     Here is my revision of the paragraph.

First Known Use of REVISION

1611

Related to REVISION

Synonyms: alteration, difference, modification, redoing, refashioning, remaking, remodeling, revamping, review, revise, change, reworking, variation

Antonyms: fixation, stabilization

Related Words: amendment, correction, rectification, reform; conversion, deformation, distortion, metamorphosis, mutation, transfiguration, transformation; fluctuation, oscillation, shift; displacement, replacement, substitution; adjustment, modulation, regulation, tweak; redesign, redo

Rhymes with REVISION

abscission, collision, concision, decision, derision, division, dream vision, elision, elysian, envision, excision, incision, misprision, ...

Supercuts & Chinese Food

This is my delivery bag.  No crab rangoon only Daptomycin, saline, and Heparin.  My supercut will not be a pretty hairstyle but a newly designed left boob.  My preop was lengthy this morning, but successful.  The home care nurse, Maureen, came tonight and drew blood, gave me a new extended line and took my vitals.  The last of  the check-ups for today.  Tomorrow I'll arrive at the surgical unit at 9:45 and surgery should begin around 10:30ish.  I hope to be back home by midafternoon.  Bill isn't feeling so hot tonight so he went to sleep around 7:30.  I am tanking up on water, but get the traditional shut off after midnight - not that I'll be awake...  Even though this is not where I hoped to be, it is ok.  The small area that didn't resolve itself appeared yesterday with a bit of necrosis so surgery is the need.  I am so glad to have the team of folks I do, both at home, and at the hospital.  I know I'll be well taken care of all through this next step.  That's what this is just one step, one bump that I'll be past at this time tomorrow.  If I had a fortune cookie in my delivery bag it would be "May life throw you a pleasant curve."

Wow.

Woke up this morning and realized – I can choose what I want to do today rather than review what I need to do today.  Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of things in the need-to-do-queue, but they were not clamoring for top priority as they have been for the last – oh – two years. It’s now 1:42 PM (appropriate time?) and I’m still in my workout gear, unshaven, and happily typing away.

It was a non-stressful morning, starting out with an hour at the club followed by a lazy morning at home with Tracy and a mug (pot) of freshly brewed coffee.  I then dabbled a bit with the drill and a large bag-o-pulls for the kitchen, seeing as I've run out of the blue painter's tape which has been filling in for knobs and pulls for the last couple of years.  

Tracy’s coming back up to speed after the systemic infection "bump" of the last two weeks. After a quick hit this coming Wednesday in the OR to clean up a persistent open surgical wound, we (ha – “we”) will be back on track.

Sitting On A Saturday

I think I did great this week.  Got to and from work without issue, only low grade temps, oozing a little still, and my PICC line is stable.  Pumping the meds each night.  I don't do the leg shake the entire time during the infusion, just when Bill wants his turn and pulls the line away from my body.  LOL!  I am still booked for the OR on Wednesday for a minor revision.  Don't know the time yet.  Things should get confirmed on Monday.  I am trying to do just one day at a time.  Can't let my head get ahead of where I am each day.  Focusing on coming out in good healing mode after.

When The Hospital Is Where You Need To Be

So last week at this time I had been admitted on Wednesday evening, examined, poked for blood, scanned, and had so many bags of IV fluids/meds hanging by the time I got to a bed on a floor I had 8 yes 8 extra poinds on me.  Thought the bed scale was wrong.  The nurse said "Tracy honey I don't thing you realize what your IV stand looks like and how many fluids/meds are getting pushed into you."

Superbowl Sunday

The sun is out, the air is clear, and we're back on track.  So - taking Tracy out for some fresh air and coffee and we'll pick up Sheila on the way. It is a welcome change (for both Tracy and me) from being cooped up for the last four days.    After that, we're off to one of the BigBox home centers to get knobs and drawer pulls for our "new" kitchen cabinetry. Figured it was time since the temporary door / drawer arrangements had run out. (i.e. the roll of blue painter's tape is gone)

(By the way, this was my "desk" when Tracy was in the ER Wednesday evening)

Home (again)

Oops – forgot to send out a note telling everyone that Tracy is home.  After some late in the day Doctor wrangling, “we” were released around 6:00 PM or so Friday evening.  Tracy made it an early evening and cashed in around 8:00 PM.

Today’s festivities included not only house cleaning (had been completely trashed), but the arrival of the company who is providing all of the home care materiel for Tracy’s self-deportation. Uh – I mean self-administration. (oops)

It is basically a really simple process.  Wash your hands, lay down some (clean) paper towels; grab a few syringes out of the hiding place; grab some alcohol pads.  For the actual infusion, you clean the port then flush with salines. Once that's done, you take the Dapto, and infuse it over five minutes.  Once that's done - do another saline flush.  Apparently, the type of line which Tracy has is new, and does not require a Heparin flush.

 

By the time I have posted this, supper is done and I’m down stairs starting in on a few hours of Boston University work.  Tracy is upstairs ( I think ), and will probably be hitting the sheets shortly.  It’s been a long three days.

(At the left is the leftover debris pile)

Playing Doctor...

Even though Tracy was getting a PICC line, I was still excited – in a techno-nerd kind of way.  More medtech, more sterile things, more pictures to take.  Interestingly enough, the procedure is done right in the room, with a minimum amount of sterile field in place.  I suppose if I really thought about it much, I’ve done worse with a hammer and screwdriver to my hand?  Nothing that a leather strap and a shot of tequila can’t handle I guess. 

Anyway – I got to wear a mask, and for a minute or two – thought I was going to get scrubs, too.  Oh well.  All I could do was hold onto Tracy’s right big toe (only part of her not covered in a sterile field) and take pictures.  I left out any ones which may make anyone queasy, and do apologize for the quality.  Had I known I could stay with her during this, I would have brought a real camera.

Dr. Bill

PICCy, PICCy...

I almost forgot to mention the PICC line.  Yep - another plastic tube gets inserted tomorrow.  Beyond the high dosage of vancomycin Tracy's getting by IV drip, she will also need it via periodic outpatient  infusion over the next few weeks.  F'ing excellent.

Am I hot, or what?

Well..   What a difference 24 hours can make.

The week started out relatively busy for both of us – Tracy getting back into the swing of things down in Danvers, and me up in Portsmouth and Dover. Monday came and went, Tuesday wasn’t much better.  Busy, but just that.

Wednesday was my day working out of the Portsmouth office, and since I usually hotel out of a spare cube, all of my gadgets stay there.  Around 4 PM, I got back to my pile-o-lectronics and had a missed call. It was – of course – Tracy.  When I called the house, I’ll I got was a very weak sounding Tracy saying that she had to get to the ER. My focus for the day changed pretty quickly at this point.  Packed up all my troubles in my old kit bag and sauntered down the road. Got home and by then Tracy was ready to go – way ready to go. She was burning up and had pegged the thermometer at almost 103 degrees. Not good. 

When we got to the ER, it was already hoping.  They were expecting us, having been alerted by the Oncology team.  This was around 5:30 PM on Wednesday, and after much blood drawing, poking & prodding, it was decided that Tracy would be admitted.  The primary decision point had to do with the fact that over the last two months, she had already undergone multiple courses of cephalexin and still had some amount of residual incision “oozing”.  Secondary was that her white blood cell count had skyrocketed to over 17,000 (yeah – that’s really, really high). Third – was that there was a possibility that this was a MRSA infection.  At this point even the strongest oral antibiotics are generally no longer effective and you have to use the really ugly stuff intravenously.  The downside to this type of regimen is that it requires a multiple day inpatient stay as this stuff tends to do much damage if you have an IV “blowout”- yep - that’s what they’re called. 

It’s the end of the first 24 hours, and hopefully I’ll be able to scoop her up tomorrow afternoon. 

More to come as we find out more.

Whoa! I Am Woman!

So did Helen Reddy really come up with that?  These past few weeks I have had to rely on my verbal mantras of oh yeah I kicked cancer's ass!  I have been a little overwhelmed by getting back to a regular pace at work, and helping with my mother's transition home.  She went home on Thursday afternoon January 26, 2012.  That's good news so I just trying to keep that in mind when dealing with all the at home services for her transition and her new normal.  Don't worry I am still working on my new normal.  Told my girlfriend Deborah today I created my own patient portal by taking a picture of my left side and sending it to one of my providers.  Still have the oozing and my desire to not need a revision on the left remains possible if they say so.  A little revision is not a big deal but nonetheless I want to move on from procedures.  I have bit of a battle in my head at this time and I'm doing my darndest to push on through.  I have some battling buddies, and all the head stuff does come up more and more often for all of us.  They are such helpful sounding boards for all the stuff they know about from their experiences.  There are so many milestones.  Some more grueling than others.  Lots of stuff rattling around right now and I'm arranging all the pieces of my puzzle.  I'll have to find another song though 'cause I really don't care for Helen Reddy!

Stamina Schmamina

Geez it's been something getting back to work.  Attempting to do part-time for the full-time job is hard as you all know.  Throw in the crazy emotions, the body still healing, anniversaries of other patients passings, and my mother still recovering - well it's been a humdinger of a couple of weeks.  I have accepted that my mind is ahead of my body.  That hasn't seemed to have changed throughout most of this challenge.  So I am doing some internal wrangling right now.  So much in my head, and I still need so much rest.  One day at a time and sometimes just one hour at a time.  I am still checking items off the list: I have gone five days without the compression top; I have gone the last two weekends without needing chemical aid to sleep; I don't swell after everytime I drive.  These are huge items to check off and they are all wonderful ones to remind myself of when some other piece to this medical puzzle kicks me around. 

Back To Work

Left shortly after six this morning to be able to meet with employee health first thing.  Got my hall pass from that department, then off to morning meetings to get brought up to speed on all the goings on.  Got unexpectedly buried at one of three offices and then kicked out by my boss.  She was sweet to say I was on a timer to get out the door for my "part time" day.  What a great group of folks who have supported me during all of this.  I'll get to see all the rest of them tomorrow and that will be great!  I am going to do part time hours for these first two weeks and get back to the full time shuffle after that.  Feel asleep as soon as I got home.  As you know I haven't napped along the way, but today I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I am heading to bed shortly and regenerate energy for another day.

Back To Blonde

Got my wonky hair done after getting the seal of approval from Dr. Marble.  She and her assistant Sue are just two of the amazing people I keep writing about.  How well I am cared for and how much they mean to me is sometimes hard to write about.  As I approach the other side of this life challenge I leave all the crappy parts behind me and take all the wonderful people with me in my heart and soul.  It helps me march forward standing up straight compression tops and all.

Soothing Sunday

Got a good night's sleep.  Got some chores done!  Hey that is a big feat quite frankly.  Keeping my dressings changed regularly and staying on course for a visit to Dr. Marble this week.  I am sending good vibes to Matt who has been hospitalized on and off this past month.  His wife Megan has been sleeping in the room's recliner for 11 nights.  Just when you think the day started off on the wrong foot, you just have to remember so many others have a tremendous struggle to get through theirs.  Wishing everyone soothing days.

No Frolicking Friday

Not doing any jigs yet.  Still have some bleeding and oozing so trying to lay a little lower.  Just getting in a good protein diet, lots of water, and good rest.  I had scheduled a massage for tomorrow but will postpone it until I can really enjoy having the service.  Shouldn't be long now.  Mum is still in rehab, and trying to built stamina.  Her left knee is still giving her trouble so the pace remains the same for both of us, slow and steady.

Tuesday. Check. Check.

Got to see Dr. Marble and Sue today.  Always good for the female heart.  They know Bill well by now so they can exchange stories of cooking for the holidays and caregiving like I wasn't even in the room.  LOL!  I received my hall pass for another two weeks.  She'll see me again, and of course I have every intention of laying low like she told me and making sure I avoid the OR at the next appointment as well.  It was weird because when we arrived today, we were politely waiting in the waiting room and another patient came out to tell her husband she needed to go back to the OR tomorrow for her revision.  I quitely began my inner voice mantra of "Not me.  Not my story.  I won't need a revision."  Power to the positive!  So on with the antibiotics and I will just enjoy the extra yogurt in the power smoothies Bill makes for me.  Let's see I'll start tomorrow with a blueberry peach mango combo....

Happy New Year 2012!

Wishing everyone a healthy, happy 2012!  We did get to see the Dover crowd for a short trip on New Year's Eve. It was wonderful to see the gang. Even though we didn't stay until the ball dropped we had a good visit, good food, and great company! I am totally planning on good news upon my return to the plastic surgeon tomorrow (Tuesday.)  I have been taking my antibiotics and getting as much rest as I can.  I hope Dr. Marble sees improvement with my diminished oozing!  My mom remains in rehab, her leg is better, and therapy to build her stamina continues.  Things are going in a good direction so far for this new year.

All For Friday

Antibiotics running along through my system.  REALLY want to avoid what is called a "revision" to my left breast if possible.  I see Dr. Marble again next week.  I did see Dr. Hammond in Oncology yesterday.  He was back to the suggestion of neurontin for the neuropathy I am experiencing.  The neuropathy is definitely on the increase with the cold.  I am still choosing to hold off on the extra med.  It very frequently brings on depressive symptoms and then that can lead to another med to counteract the depression.  Not that I haven't had my moments, but I think I am still doing amazingly well and want to keep that train moving forward.  If Mother Nature could just give me a mild winter this year I'd truly appreciate any and all the fair days she can bring this way.

Antibiotics Abound

Wednesday brings an early trip to the plastic surgeon's office.  That left boob is just giving me a bit of trouble and another round of antibiotic should do the trick.  So here I go with loading the yogurt and minding my p's and q's.  My mom needs to do the same.  Her return to rehab from her inpatient stay last week had her on the oral dose of antibiotics, but she has now had a bad reaction and is covered in hives.  She's now being loaded up with steriods to help ease the pain and itching.  She's got a new antibiotic and now we both need to get some more rest over the next few days.

Merry Christmas!

A wonderful day for all of us who are able to have our loved ones close.  A prayer and loving thoughts for those who are not able to be here through distance or passing.  So many thank you's sent back to all of you for your love, hugs, kisses, emails, posts, gifts, cards, walking, donating, phone calls, singing, and always the laughter.  So many tremendous vibes on which to focus.  Truly a merry Christmas!

Sounds Of The Season

Ok it was an early morning.  Needed to get to the hospital to meet with Mom's doctor and meet Jenn and Dad there.  She had enough improvement to move back to rehab at St. Ann's today.  She got settled in late this afternoon.  Even though I have heard all the Christmas songs played in the stores since what ??? October...  I haven't really been in the swing of it all.  Got a little groove back this morning on the way to the hospital with John Mellencamp's "I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus" - it's catchy and a good one to belt out in the car.  All energies exhausted by the challenge of today.  Getting the updates for my mother completed and then actually hitting a couple of stores for a Christmas present or two.  There's one more day for that to all get done.  For tonight, the kids are back in the area, so I'm shored up with hugs, and my feet are elevated.  Swelling should come down by morning and then shopping can be complete.  I'll find a few good Christmas tunes to belt out along the way!

Ho Ho Holy Macaroni Thursday

Christmas on Sunday seems a little off the mark again this year.  Got to the gym this morning with Bill.  On a very modified cardio program for now.  The neuropathy kicks in after a bit on the bike, and I need to maintain a cautioned return to the gym or my body will shut me down.  But as you know I am a good patient so I am trying hard to just maintain what I did in the Well Fit program during chemo.  It was a manageable pace and I truly believe it helped keep me ahead of the curve for good health, so if it was good for me then, it's good for me now.  No ice today, instead wonderfully mild temperatures.  My nerve endings still quaking and the cold really bothers my torso.  Bill smiled and shook his head as I left the house today in sweatpants, sweatshirt with a hood, and a down jacket.  Laugh if you want but it does the trick.  It's better than having me bend over trying to will all the body warmth to direct itself to my torso while my body trembles!  I'll get cleaned up and head to the hospital to visit my mother.  She remained there again last night on the high dose antibiotics to hopefully avoid surgery.  My personal morning report is a decent one so I am hopeful hers will be as well. 

Icy Wednesday

Mother Nature is telling me to stay put for a bit.  Yesterday was a long day.  Had my own appointments that got diverted because my mom got readmitted to the hospital for an infection in her left leg.  The highway north is officially closed right now due to the ice.  Poor Bill was right in the middle of the stuff as he left early this morning and the roads were sheer ice.  He is now safely at work.  Told him to be careful walking into the building!  No more hospitalizations for any of us please.  For me a little bleeding and swelling so I have to take it easier today.  I have my feet up and I'm waiting for the roads to be treated more.  Then I'll go pick up dad and head to the hospital.  Slow and easy is the name of the game today.

Normal is as Normal does...

So – one of the ironies of caregiving is that at some point when the caregivee is up to the task of feeding, washing, dressing, brushing, wrapping, binding, driving, etc, themselves, the caregiver must return to their pre-caregiver routine.  This generally means their day job – which by necessity – is generally far away from the caregivee.  Daily routines are reset, daily patterns are different, and there is at the same time a sense of familiarity of the past now present and one of loss of the present now being the past. 

For us, life continues to return to whatever normal was a year and a half ago, but at the same time, normal must now be different from what it was for both of us prior to the Summer of 2010.  Tracy has lost parts, and also gained some new parts.  We have met a tremendous number of folks including supporters, survivors, and medical providers, both in person and online, who have helped those with this disease, treated this disease, and have gone through / are going through this disease. 

The reality is that Tracy’s cancer was only Stage 2B and not of the more serious Stage 3 or 4 category.

The reality is that we are very, very fortunate to have the support system around us that we do, and that we have a world-class treatment center just down the road from our home.

The reality is that we are both able to laugh about the funny stuff, cry about the sad stuff, and to also share it all with everyone around us all the while moving forward.

This reality is our “new normal”.