You Have Reached Our Stats Line & Our Hearts

Bill and I have so much to be thankful for. We see you, hear you, read you, and you reciprocate. This blog has been my way to purge things from my mind, for us to share updates, and to keep all of you closer. It is wonderful to observe that there have been over 4600 hits to the blog. So thank you and please hold on the line while my amazing medical team heals me.

Keeping The Faith

Well the work week is done and we head into the Hallowed weekend. The heebie jeebies have left, I suspect off scaring others for the weekend. I began a fitness program for folks like me on the mend. This is tagged with my physical therapy for now. Again I must sing the praises of the program at Exeter Hospital. Amy, Shannon, Michelle, and Patti have initiated me into the fold of Well Fit to help gain strength back and fight this fight. Nancy and Peggy my physical therapists have been truly helping me maintain my sanity through their skilled touch. They are the watchdogs of my body language, and adapt, and ease my constricted body. Without this service I know I would be in a dark place. The oncology department as a whole is wonderful. A well oiled machine that has my back through those most challenging days. Dr Hammond, Sarah, Nyla, Kelly, Tisha, Dr Sims (on call :-) all the lab folks, the oncology pharmacy folks, Tracie who makes the first call... and some I may never meet. Dr Marble, Susan her medical assistant still protecting the healing female. Right back to Dr McKee and his staffs whom I will see again in January for my surgical checkup. Dr Jameson is my pcp and even though she has turned the major care over to oncology she and her staffs help keep other pieces coordinated and expedited when needed. Quite a team and I'm thrilled and blessed to know they are mine.

Sleepy, Sprinkly, Sweaty, Sharp Mouthed

Post second session of the high dose chemo I go in fits and starts for sleep some days and the dark circles around my eyes have the look of Halloween makeup without having to buy any. My stubble is sprinkling out - so dark clothes are not a good fashion match. This weather outside and my internal body tempurature keeps me in a caloric burn and as the days wane after chemo and I head into the home stretch for bits of energy my teeth feel like razor blades. They offer "Magic Mouthwash" which I ended up getting. I used it one night just before my second session. Just the smallest amount will do ya. I have increased my yogurt intake for all the good flora building. I hope to avoid thrush and mouth sores that can come along with the high dose stuff. My pace might be slow but life is good.

Driving Around

And God bless Kathryn White. She is Janet Manning Smith's aunt and she used to be a teacher at my high school and my neighbor. So prior to getting my license I used to hitch a ride with her to school. She had a unique driving/turning method that I now duplicate. I thought it unusual that she always turned the wheel with a hand to hand (slide one hand to the other) method rather than hand over hand. Now with my limited range I laugh at myself using her method to get my car into and out of spaces; parking spaces, my garage etc. It's so funny how vivid those shared commuter mornings are. Kathryn all dressed and ready to go, perfume on, and the blower going full tilt no matter if the engine was hot or cold. Because I'm cancer girl I am fragrance free, and with cancer girl goes the hot and cold of personal body temperature so my fan is usually off, but I've got the wheel method down pat. xo Kathryn.

Sleep Is Power

Well my surgical arm tried to show me what was what this weekend. I was writing out some thank you notes on Saturday and it rendered me useless Sunday. I fought back with sleep. There is power in rest and I just have to surrender to that need. My mind still wants to jump ahead, but I have to get it through my head that this fight is long. I will continue using all the ammo I can to keep ahead of cancer sense creeping into my life. The after chemo days of Monday and Tuesday still have a little exorcist in them but my skin is still attached and not in orbit. Sleep can quell many of my jitters. Pacing myself down by the seashore.

Spooning

August seems like it was just the blink of an eye in some ways, but it also seems like forever ago. Another other simple thing that changed in the blink of an eye was spooning with my Bill guy. It is that wonderful lovely end to a day or comfortable beginning of the day when you can be close and content. After surgery it was drugs, arranged body parts, and lots of pillows to create a big bubble to not disturb the surgical areas. Then the second surgery created the protection on the left side. I am content to say that with my pt, exercises, and general healing time spooning is back and held ever so close. Healing more than the surgical arm here on the seacoast.

A Yesterday Morning Away

Yesterday we got up early pre-chemo and headed to Rogan's down the hill from the hospital. It is good cheap eats and the place to load my protein. Gives Bill a break from another meal planning and someone waits on him. My one egg and hash was a good prep meal for chemo. The mantra from the meal is "absorb and fortify." Today I wake to a lowfat broccoli quiche and homemade baked beans by Chef Bill. Yum! I must again look to "absorb and fortify" before getting my morning meds in. So far so good.

Infusion #2 - two down, fourteen to go...

Well - they don't call it the "Red Devil" for nothing...   Adriamycin, aka Doxorubicin, requires two syringes' worth for a single infusion.  It really is red and it makes for a devil of a time both while being administered and afterwards..  Because of its makeup, it has to be manually infused, rather than relying upon the automatic pump (which is used for the Cytoxan and Avastin).  Yes - there is a significant amount of hazmat stuff in place too.  This stuff really is that toxic to otherwise healthy things...

More geek-techno-related info can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doxorubicin.   It’s in Wikipedia – so – it *must* me true..  In case you missed it – *snap* *snap*, that was sarcasm.  Anything in Wikipedia should be treated with a healthy dose of skepticism and backed up with other sources of information. In this case I would recommend Cancer.org, and NIH.gov.

Anyway -  we’re home for the afternoon, but I am heading back out to haul the dinghy (forgot about it and the docks come out on Saturday), get a NH Disability tag for the van, and then back here to the house..  Oh – and the hair follicles are starting to officially abandon ship…  I think I can retire the clippers – again. 

Bill

Session 2 Ready

I begin again tomorrow. Red devil first with Sarah pushing the gigantic syringe, then two more successively from the IV stand. I can do my back exercises from the stand. You know the roller skating type activity. I have to arrive early and hopefully secure pod 10. Pods are like everything else in real estate, location, location, location. Pod 10 has a little more room and if no once comes in beside me, more pacing room. I've got my bag of meds. Got my peppermints to quell the metal mouth, got an extra dose of Activia -yeah like the commercial, plus the arsenal of prune juice, Sennekot, and Miralax. I have mindless reading if I can sit still. I have glamourized my snack bag because my snacks got taken inadvertently last time. Bill will be with me ensuring my new iPad works... I have some new caps that Lillian Lamb made to put in the cap basket to share. I have my snazzy nursing camisole that works perfectly for port access. I totally confused the local bra shop clerk at first until I gave explained the port access to her. I am handing out those info cards... best piece of cancer clothes yet. I'm ready. And the positive is I'll be done by this time tomorrow night.

Tingling On Top

There are so many sensations with the cancer treatment, and there is still the loss of some sensations from the cancer surgery. I've got a new one though and it's the hair loss sensation they tell you to anticipate. A little itchy and a little tingling yesterday and today. I was trying on a couple of caps this morning for my daily fashion consideration ha ha... and I noticed a sprinkle when I removed one of the darker ones. Not a sad moment, but more cathartic for me. I wasn't really blonde you know. LOL! Makes me feel like I get to include this as a step toward regrowth and grabbing back my good health. So the loss of my salt and pepper stubble brings me another celebrated check on my checklist. Just think how much longer it will take me to use up my shampoo. Another cost savings during the poor economy.

Good Visit with Oncology

I had to have my checkup today to make sure I am tiptop for my second session this Thursday. All surgical areas are in excellent shape and my bloodwork "looks great." Dr Hammond always answers every question, looks for the signs of the giant emotional spectrum, and gives all the positive direction possible. I get to drop the steroid that sent me into orbit last round. I love the idea of my little med bag getting smaller. I'm sure Bill breathed a silent sigh of relief to not come home to a raw puddled mess like before. Even though he is the one to calm my nerves, neither of us wants to experience a week like last week. The way I figure it is the fewer steroids means the red devil recipe can have more room in the bloodstream to kick some cancer cells into submission.

Great Day Great Vibes

Today was a day of tremendous love and support from family, friends, and strangers who help to keep my mind moving ahead of this challenge. Hundreds of people were at the Dover location today and there are so many stories to reflect on and to motivate. All of you were there today either in body or spirit. A soul protecting day. I truly carry these moments with me at all times. Heart and soul protectors surround me. Another great day.

It's "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" day!

All the crowd is here at the Smith's tanking up on carbs and coffee prior to heading out to start the walk. The browser on Tracy's iPad is a tad challenged, so I'm not able to post pics, or clean up the fonts until a little later today. Suffices to say - the whole gang is here and it is a beautiful October day. If i can manage to juggle two BlackBerrys, an iPad, and my coffee, I'll try to get another post off later this morning.

Bill

Heebie Jeebies

Dr Keenholtz (proud granddad of Blake) works at my practice. He nailed it when I described my symptoms of beyond anxiety this week - the Heebie Jeebies. They exist in the steroid use needed for treatment. They wish to take over me still during some hours of the day. They are high strung and attack like gnats that sting. Luckily I am a person who really likes Halloween and has the mindset to conquer the pesky little devils. Got my amazing oncology team tucked in my back pocket and they have many tricks at their disposal. Tricks for the Heebie Jeebies and treats of great treatment for me.

Upright Again

Well I had a bit of an adverse reaction to one of my steroids so I've been pretty quiet. Went to work today, but had hoped it would have been Tuesday. Instead I saw physical therapy, the plastic surgeon, and oncology to get my system checked out. The good news is they can adjust the med that seems to send me into orbit without my skin. Hey another positive is after the second dose next Thursday we'll have a good baseline of reaction and then we won't have to wait and see what Halloween antics these meds may throw my way. Now I just have to figure out my costume.

My Friends and Family Making Strides

www.cancer.org/stridesonline Please see our section Friends Who Are Making a Difference

We feel so honored by the outpouring of folks asking us what can they do. I am so blessed that since this shocking diagnosis we have been truly embraced,loved along, cried with, laughed with, and now walked along. We have always been ardent supporters of the American Cancer Society and this year we hold this particular part -Making Strides a little more dear. My dear childhood friend Janet Manning Smith gathered together some other lifelong friends and put their heads together to organize a Puckered-Up Team. I hope to have the stamina to walk with them that day, and if not then I'll be there standing by with huge hugs.

I also wanted to share two other walkers Asha Plumpton who will be walking in my name in the Concord NH walk. She is the granddaughter of my cousin Janet Story Clark. Although I have not seen Asha since she was quite small, a young beautiful amazing woman will walk this day.

Marlene Lawton is also walking in the North Conway walk. She is a wonderful nurse who works at my office. Both Asha and Marlene can be found if searching by walkers individual names.

A donation of any amount is gratefully received by the American Cancer Society. I would love to know that someday all the chemo pods could be empty, and that all the knitted hats would go back to being just for beautiful newborn babies.

Stardate: 20101007.1041, Cmdr Tracy of the chemoship "InfusionPod7" reporting.

All is quiet in the Neulasta zone, but we have not yet heard from our sister ship, The Adriamycin, which ventured into the area 10 sols ago.   We fear the worst, and can only assume that the Cytoxans have taken control.  First Officer Bill has indicated that there is nothing to worry about and to sit back and be quiet.  Seeing as someone has plugged me into the ship with this catheter (I suspect the Bevacizumabs we picked up at the last Starbase as the culprits) , I have no choice.   Resistance is futile.

Our voyage continues….

Purging and Healing

Gotten rid of the breast, now the chemicals have taken over to rid the remaining bits in hiding. I have my cancer society approved non-metal deodorant - been doing that for years but maybe not soon enough?... My deodorant is a spray cause I still have numbness and don't like the non-sensation of a stick approved type. My cancer clothes are working perfectly. Yes I even found a great camisole that is intended for nursing mothers, but in my case it was perfect for being ready for port use and don't have to get into a gown. I am spreading the word in the oncology department about this one. Collecting a range of colors in caps. My little head is hard to fit so the ladies that knit for the cancer center now have me on a special list. I got my meds adjusted today so not long a period of Walton weepy moments tonight, but I am way past my prime right now and putting myself to bed. The calls, the cards, the hugs, the emails, the blog comments, the food, and all the prayers and prayerlists at your churches continue to fortify me. Only 19 weeks of chemo to go. Thank you all for walking this path with me.

She's Alive! She's Alive!

One of the meds I was told to be possible mood swing type, and it sought me out around 7pm. It was a kind of Watching the Waltons type weepy - no judging - and really jumping out of my skin. Bill was my valet with the Ativan. Few hours later off to bed early with Ambien. Had a severe rumbled stomach for a bit before laying down, but no vomiting. Slept a little while and up to take and addititional Ambien, extra strength tylenol and then decent slumber. All in all I think I impressed myself by staying ahead of the curve with proper diet and pushing fluids to purge toxins. Wrung out today but will try to get my exercise in to keep mind and body walking toward good health. My sister came by the hospital yesterday to bring the sugar free hard candies to suck on and visit for a bit. Then Judy L stopped down to the house from Springvale ME on her way back from Manchester just for a hug. Wonderful Humpty Dumpty glue for my first chemo day.

Chemo - finally...

Today is winding down and just a quick note to say - Tracy is doing ok. So far (wincing as I write this) no Linda Blair action. Lots of instructions, do's and don'ts, and more little orange bottles. Everything is sorted by AM and PM and set to go. Oh - and another slight twist. Due to the change in treatment, we will need to make a separate trip tomorrow to the O&H clinic for a blast of Neulasta.

The house is now officially a "germ free zone". Tracy's immune system will be toast for the next six months. We will have hand sanitizer and face masks for visitors, but if you don't feel well, well...

More to come tomorrow.

Wish Me Happy Chemo

Tomorrow is the day. I have a 7 hour session officially booked. I go in at 8:00am get lab work drawn through my VAD, see the medical provider to make sure I'm still sturdy enough to get through the day, and then begin the infusion. They tell you this length of time as worst case scenario. It depends on my reaction, the pace at which the port handles the infusion, and of course I am not the only person there receiving such treatment. I do have my own nurse - Sarah - with an H she says with her English accent. Very nice woman. We'll get to know her very well by the time the 20 weeks are behind us. We take your loving ways, support, prayers and GREAT VIBES with us.

Squirrely, Yes I Am. It's Fall Isn't It?

Feeling a little nutty, yes it's true. I am also eating them for my high protien diet! LOL! Got a full day of work in today. It was really wonderful to see my workmates! I am blessed to have this group behind me. What wonderful people. The day helped to keep my mind off chemo thoughts. I have numerous items to tackle not the least of which was my email inbox. Those little vessels in my "surgical arm" started quaking around 2:00. Positive thought for today - by this time Thursday night I'll have already completed my first chemo session. Pretty awesome.

Hi Ho Hi Ho

It's off to work I go. I am heading in for a couple of days to get back into the groove of some things. I know I have some projects "saved" for me, and there will be the unearthing myself from email. I'm excited to see my workmates again. Their prayer lists at their churches, emails, constant cards, and great vibes sure do help. All is good. Today, at this moment, I feel as prepared as one can be for Thursday. Got my official schedule for the day yesterday at my thumbs up doctors appointment and I am listed for a 7 hour session. Heading toward another item on the checklist!

Cocktails...

This is Bill. It’s past 1:00 AM EDT and I’m sitting here wading through a slight backlog of students’ labs and discussion group grading with Lady Gaga, CCR, Deee-Lite, Dual Core, and Howlin’ Wolf blaring in my QC-3s. Tracy called it a night several hours ago in anticipation of a long week coming up. Tomorrow (today) and Wednesday are her first days back to her office - post-op, and Thursday is the delayed-no-longer beginning to our six-month-long E-Ticket ride, otherwise known as a dose dense adjuvant chemotherapy regimen with AC-T + Avastin - and for good measure some radiation..

A chemo-cocktail refresher for those of you who have not been taking complete notes - the “A” is Adriamycin (doxorubicin), “C” is Cytoxan (cyclophosphamide), and the “T” is for Taxol, (aka: paclitaxel). Avastin, is of course, obviously bevacizumab. (say that three times in a row – fast) It is a humanized monoclonal antibody – and – no – you do not want to know why it’s called “humanized”. Trust me on this, and all I will say that it does not entail the use of 7-foot long pods from the greenhouse.

This isn’t your mother’s cocktail, for sure...

Bill

Mindless Activities

No judging. I have been home for six weeks now, and I have been a very good patient. My doctors are impressed with my healing and stayed ahead of the game with the skin expander. However, in order to conquer some thoughts it takes some amount of mindless activites. I am totally current on a lot of the new fall pilots or first fall episodes. The Big Bang Theory, Little People Big World, Grey's Anatomy, and I have watched the full marathon of Jerseylicious to bring me current. (Not to be confused with Jersey Shore) Oh yeah you laugh, but I don't watch Dancing with the Stars or Glee. My friends Dave and Maureen said I had to watch Glee, and I DVR'd the one with Britney but seriously - no can do. People talk about patients who have cancer brain, but I must be getting much better 'cause Glee got deleted.

Dermabond

For both surgeries, the mastectomy, and the port everything got closed up by using
Dermabond. The mastectomy side is/was thick and the port side for both incisions not quite as thick. There are many freaky things about these physical pieces of the puzzle, but this stuff is interesting and freaky. The positive for me is I like to think I am way ahead of the curve by not having traditional stitches. The peeling away of the Dermabond is sort of like the post sunburn look. I just didn't have to slather myself with baby oil and lay on my parents roof and catch the rays.