Session 5!

Sheila was on vacation today so she joined us for the big protien loading breakfast at Rogan's. It was great to have her along and bring some laughs to the routine. Not quite the half way mark for Taxol but close. Another med adjustment today. A reduction in Taxol due to the significant increase of my neuropathy. Struggled this week, and an emotional purge came with the territory. God Bless Bill for listening, soothing, and responding to me. My head knows that life continues while I battle on, but my heart is sometimes heavy when I want desperately to participate more and just live. One of my cancer fairies - Sandy - who has helped my mind tremendously told me "while you are in treatment it is on your mind 24 hours a day. Just try to remember treatment will end and you'll be on the other side before you know it." I am truly holding onto those thoughts and repeat them to myself this week more and more. I am maintaining perspective for my own health. My healing is good, my team continues to strengthen me, my support network holds onto me, and that is what a good day is all about.

Merry Christmas

We were blessed to have our families visit with us yesterday. We were wiped but in a good way. Bill and I know how lucky we are to have our families surround us, be with us, share laughs with, and take some good photos to laugh about later. There are so many families who don't have this opportunity and we take ours with grateful pleasure. Taxol is increasing my pins and needles feelings in my hands. It notches up a few days after treatment. I have a couple of new suggestions for the hands - the taxol makes the skin peel away - but I have NUSKIN! It is really nail polish and clove oil. Ok the first deep crack that needed sealing really was a humdinger but once sealed better. Then I got the beauty gloves that the nurses suggest I now load up with Eucerin at night. Hmmm not quite as comfy as the spa gals warmed gloves but Bill can crank up the blanket and snuggle me up and I'm bound to have hand model quality mitts before long.

Christmas Chemo

I remain a very cooperative patient and it takes me to session 4 out of 12 of the lose dose taxol tomorrow. No holiday time off for cancer. Not to worry I'm on the mission of getting to the other side of this chapter. One day at a time is all I can do - just a half day, or sometimes just an hour to tackle the challenge is what I muster. I'll have Bill by my sleepy side tomorrow and my team will be tweaking the steroids for me a li ttle more to get better night time sleep post treatment. As usual by this time tomorrow one more treatment will be over. I'll write back from the other side.

Winter Solstice 2010

At 11:38 UTC - coordinated universal time winter solstice occurs - the shortest day of the year. It was also the first lunar eclipse on winter solstice since 1638. Fun factoids for the blog. Another exciting factoid is my new super soft polyester - yes polyester - toothbrushes arrived. You have to love the internet for all the information you need to get national geographic glimpses of an eclipse or ordering information on toothbrushes from heaven for the cancer warrior. A simply amazing day.

No Snow Plenty Of Cold

So no Nor'easter... Trying to prep my mind and body for Christmas and actually didn't look forward to a big storm. There was a sighting of tacky elves returning all displays to Dover to beat the weather. Phew! The spirit must be shared. Even though I generally love Christmas it is different this year. Our families will come here and bring tidings to us in North Hampton. Just getting to see everyone is the great driving factor. Don't need all the trimmings to feel good about the holidays. Love and laughter will be great for us. Keep an eye on your lawns you never know where the next lighted snowman will end up!

3 Out Of 12

Three down nine to go. This is the new routine now that the meds have been tweaked to work well in my body: Hang out in reception working on the latest puzzle table, wait to have my labs drawn through my port, back to reception to work on the puzzle, get called back to have weight taken and meet with either Lisa the PA or Dr Hammond (today Dr Hammond), review all bodily functions and labs, get my approval to get chemo and head back to the pod. The place was packed today as many christmas plans and shortened work days press more folks into the slots. My pre-meds pushed well and once the benadryl is in I am out. Got my fancy new eye mask from Moe to use. xoxo and she was right it is so soft and comfy. Before I know it Bill is gently waking me, Heather is disconnecting me and off I go. Came home crashed until almost 6. Bill whipped me up a new protein shake the nutritionist suggested. Not bad. Figured I'd get a post off before heading back to bed. Jeremy came last night for a visit and Taylor comes tonight. My three best guys near me is really what I need so no complaints, all good stuff from the seacoast.

Life Is Good

Well our support network, both at home, and at work have banded together in all the ways they do and gave us a very good week. We've laughed a lot this past week and it has meant so much to be able to do that. Birthday wishes, holiday wishes, loving wishes have surrounded us and we truly cannot walk this walk without them. Perspective is always on our minds. I've mentioned Matt, Donna, and Tom who are fighting each day. I shockingly heard today of a former workmate - Kevin and his wife Tracy who are both battling horrible battles of cancer. We add them to our thoughts and prayers. I continue to take the strength from all of you with me each day. Every ounce given to me I try to offer back in hopes that others fighting will feel the way all of you make me feel. Thank you all so much. Life is good.

Tacky Elves

So they weren't so good at stealth mode... Bill took me out for a drive to the usual beach bagel shop, picked up Sheals, had our snack, did the beach loop, dropped off Sheals and came back home. We pull up and the street is lined with cars. While we are bent over laughing Sheals drives up and joins the hoodlums. Think high schoolers who hope to toilet paper your house before the big game. Now imagine Christmas thrown up on your house yet the culprits were still in full tacky mode when we arrived. Luckily the big wind storm is coming tomorrow and some of these items just may not make it through. Gotta love this crowd, and we really do.

It's A Week

And a week it has been. Wednesday was my birthday. My amazing work group sent me home with more support, love, and the beautiful poinsettia for my hearth. Parts of the beloved vacation croo put together a pizza night. Some of them were working and some are were still wandering around Chile... To make sure I don't get the looks (not that I knew or cared) in my pod next time Moe gave me my own super special eye mask to keep out the light. I have some new side effects that are tolerable so far: Tingling hands, still some pooling of chemicals in my small right toe, light sensitivity has notched up, and a lack of real appetite. I maintain perspective on the worst being over, the prevention and the healing being in full force and I truly feel blessed by each of you being in my life.

Nappy time in Pod 1

If it’s Thursday it must be Taxol day!  Unlike last week’s roller coaster, this week (thanks to Lisa, Dr. Hammond, Heather, and the rest of the Oncology unit),  today was far, far less stressful.  After reviewing Sara’s reports from last week and a long conversation with Lisa, Dr. Hammond made adjustments  to the pre-meds. Less Benadryl and less Zofran meant a much less spastic Tracy.  Still as sleepy due to the Benedryl  however.     Next week, we’ll bring some eye shades, but today, the only option was to use a blanket.  It did get some interesting looks from Pod passers-by..

Who Stole Your Wife? Who Stole My Stamina?

My old beach roomates stole me. Melanie, who is one by default of beach house proximity back in the day, Erin and Sheals met for dinner. Had to work from home today because my extremeties are Christmas red and like Santa's sleigh my sprit was a little low, but only from from stamina depletion. Sheals picked me up and gave me a little Christmas light tour on the way. We were going by one house and I was trying to remember who used to live there and just couldn't remember. Well the expression used to be the mind is the first to go, but as you know for me it's really the right boob, then the mind. The tour was fun, the company was great and it was a good pick me up. Tis the season! Not laughing all the way, but I sure am giving it my best effort.

Someone stole my wife!

Ok.   Where’s my wife???    I get home – expecting my usual greeting at the door.  You know the drill – wifey meets you at the door with your slippers, paper, and drink in hand  (scotch, bourbon, or tequila – always clear, always cold), and supper on the table…  But – nooooo – no Tracy.    

I had apparently forgotten (until now) that she is out having dinner with some of her groupies..  So – I am scrounging around for scraps, pouring my own drink, and walking barefoot.  As soon as I post this, I need to catch up on the twitterverse and check in on work email..  Again.

Barking up the right tree...

Phew.   Two months in and we are now officially into Weeks 9 through 21…  Like the first two months of the Dose Dense regimen, the Taxol is being delivered more often than the “normal” three week interval. Tracy’s getting a slightly lower dose every week instead.  This means a more invasive schedule, but theoretically with a lessor set of side effects.

Most importantly – THANK YOU Janet for coming off the bench to fill in for me as PodMaster (PodMistress in your case) this past week.   Unfortunately you got the full treatment with the “slight” time slippage in the schedule.  Really – it was only supposed to be a couple of hours, not the full day.  Oops. Bill me…

First –wtf is Taxol.  Here is a refresher… It was originally derived from the bark of the Pacific Yew tree.   (http://www.na.fs.fed.us/pubs/silvics_manual/Volume_1/taxus/brevifolia.htm) Really, not even kidding, And it if that was still the source, it would take about two full sized trees to be processed for *each* dose – after they reach maturity – which is about at 125 years of age.  

It’s official generic name is Paclitaxel, with a chemical name of – take a deep breath first:  “5β,20-Epoxy-1,2α,4,7β,10β,13α-hexahydroxytax-11-en-9-one 4,10-diacetate 2-benzoate 13-ester with (2R,3S)-N-benzoyl-3-phenylisoserine”.    From our friends at WebMD: “Paclitaxel is a novel antimicrotubule agent that promotes the assembly of microtubules from tubulin dimers and stabilizes microtubules by preventing depolymerization. This stability results in the inhibition of the normal dynamic reorganization of the microtubule network that is essential for vital interphase and mitotic cellular functions. In addition, paclitaxel induces abnormal arrays or “bundles” of microtubules throughout the cell cycle and multiple asters of microtubules during mitosiss.” .

What most non-Oncologists would hear:   “Blah blah blah normal blah cell cycle blah blah.”  The short version is that it is used as part of the AC-T regimen to inhibit the formation of new tumors.   So – one week down – eleven to go.

We did venture out today for a bit – and that was interesting.   Tracy’s stamina level has morphed into a very interesting reverse logarithmic curve.  It starts out high, and then drops off really quickly (and I mean quickly).  While in Barnes & Noble today, I had to grab her (non-surgical) arm to steady her.  We both came to the very quick conclusion that we were done shopping for the day – right there.  A quick hustle to the checkout counter and in the car.

Well – enough for now.  Time to call it a day (yes  it’s only 9:00 PM or so EST) but the week is already shaping up to be a corker – again.    More to come in the next few days.

My Eyes Are Ignoring Me

It's been a weird experience since my last treatment. I feel like Benadryl is still coursing through my system. My eyes want to remain closed but my body does not want to remain at rest. The taxol gives me what I can describe as pins and needles in my hands. So I am laying low and drinking all the fluids I can possibly consume during the day. I need to put on a few pounds for Thursday. So I'll go for some items that chemo hasn't talked me out of yet - Beth's beef stew with corn bread and homemade brownies. For a little while I'll have to work protein into my dreams instead of sugarplums.

Not Primed for Pre-Meds

Bill started my day off with a good breakfast at Rogan's, my lab work, and visit with Dr Hammond. Then he did a trade off with Janet to get me home safely. He gave her the tour of oncology and introduced her to my nurse Sarah. Well I thought yesterday would be a shorter day for me and my newly broken in caregiver, but the pre-meds knocked me right into the infusion chair. They'll tweak me more next week to help with that. My weight loss plays a part, but I am still ramping back up from the high dose. Protein is my friend so I am just doing my internal mantra to tell my body to accept more good food. Maybe I'll stick with all the P words and go for Prime Rib.