Hold On To Your Soup Cans

Lift those cans, but don't tote those bales... I can do my soup can lifts at a whopping 10 ounces. Still have swelling in my surgical arm after long days, and some cording too, but a little bit of strength building is forward progression. Today's choice tomato. Just think what tomorrow can bring.

Sunday Post Thanksgiving

I was able to eat a little of everything I enjoy for Thanksgiving dinner. Yum! My in-laws hosted a wonderful day for both sides of the family. Bill made a wonderful dinner for me, Jeremy, Taylor last night. Just great to have them around. Great meals, great family, food for my soul. Now that the turkey holiday press has passed I will spend my next three days continuing to bring my body back up to speed for my new round this Thursday. Taxol for 12 weeks straight. I feel ready as can be so I intend to push on through to Friday to be on the other side.

Happy Thanksgiving

As my beautiful but bronchially challenged cousin Janet says - I am thankful that... all of you are part of my life - I can enjoy Thanksgiving with my family. I am thinking of Matt, Tom and Donna who are also battling and I wish them peace in body and spirit. My week was much like the medical team tells you it can be by the 4th high dose. If you ask Bill and he were honest he'd probably tell you I had the appearance of either Smeagol or Voldemort this week. I can take it, there was some physical resemblance. Bent over like Smeagol at times, and crazed like Voldemort. These powerful moments added a few extra appointments to my calendar, but that is ok because I still came out better on the other side. I asked Dr Hammond for a pep talk last Thursday which was delivered with positive affirmation and a hug. God Bless Dr Hammond (and Katy who took all those extra calls.) I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Eyelids

For those of you on the Tracy watch today there should not be a transgression to report. I have spent most of my time sleeping off this dose and fighting from behind my eyelids. I'll miss my beloved vacation croo gathering tonight but they support whatever it takes to tackle this one day at a time. I do feel watched, xo, supported, and much loved. I again send out my heartfelt thank yous for your pick-me-up flowers, hats & scarves for the blustery winds, delicious chicken noodle soup, hearty beef stew, true italian lasagne, and all the continued cards, prayers, and warm loving wishes. My upswing is slow this time but my medical team assures me it will come. I'll be off to bed early tonight to hopefully find it tomorrow. Thank you all so much.

Tracy watch...

So - I'm in Boston (Cambridge actually) all day at a web application security conference (an oxymoron in of itself).

(tongue-in-cheek part)
I have received assurances from Tracy that she won't do anything which would adversely affect her status. However, if you should see her out shopping or otherwise doing anything of which I did not explicitly approve, I need a report. Feel free to use this opportunity to even out any past transgressions. I still have a sore spot from the PSA pump incident..


(non tongue-in-cheek part)
Things you can do - send her a text, send her an email, or if you still know what pens and paper are (I've long since forgotten), write a note and lick a stamp. Let her know you're thinking of her.

Bill

Yeah Ok Make Fun Of The Cancer Warrior

I didn't shout I nudged him to go get my pill because he was making me laugh after I got him all soggy with my chemo tears. Yesterday is over and today is almost too. I await the upswing that always comes and I will welcome it.

“GET ME A PILL!!!” “GET ME A PILL!!”…..

Well – ok – maybe she didn’t say it twice, and she most definitely didn’t shout - but - I can say that it was a requirement to absolutely be fulfilled..  I complied.   After last session’s kinked VAD line incident, tomorrow isn’t promising to necessarily be a smooth ride so the anxiety level is on the upside this evening.   If you don’t recall, the VAD is the primary chemo delivery pathway and is actually a subcutaneous implant with a direct central line connection into the superior vena cava (or inferior vena cava – I forget).. 

From the pile-o-tissues, it looks like it’s time to get Ms. Tracy off to bed..  “We” have an 8:00 meeting with Dr. Hammond, an 8:30 VAD draw (fancy speak for the bi-weekly blood-letting) and then a 9:00 curtain draw for the Red Devil and it’s bastard cousins Cytoxan and Avastin (or at least what we think may be Avastin).

Anyway – tomorrow marks another milestone – the completion of the Adriamycin / Cytoxan / Avastin regimen.   Time off for Turkey, and then off to the races again with a twelve-week long weekly Taxol series.   From what we’ve been told – Taxol is a “walk in the park” compared to the A-C cycle.  The park of course, is very unforgiving place with lions, tigers, and bears.  Oh my.

Vibrissae And Cilia

Nose hairs. Vibrissae are the ones you may ask a male partner to keep trimmed. Cilia are actually way in the back. Just a weird little side note to chemo. You watch the hair fall out on your body, but I didn't think about my poor little nose. I know the fine print tells you all kinds of freaky facts during the process... I'll need a gentle winter filter for my nasal cavity until my vibriassae get vibrant again.

Laughter Remains The Best Medicine

Last night we attended Comics Come Home. A 16 year long running comedy show that is a charitable benefit for the Cam Neely Foundation for Cancer Care. Denis Leary is the annual host who puts this together. Last night was a gathering of many of his old Boston comedy cronies: Lenny Clarke, Jimmy Dunn, Steven Wright, Joe Yanety, and several other of his pals from the most famous venues. They performed for almost 4 hours. The event was a great time for a great cause. It felt wonderful to get out with Bill for a real date for the first time in 6 months.

Heartburn? A snack of a Moon Pie with an RC Cola is a heartburn (but really, really tasty)

From our friends at Wikipedia (remember - if it's in Wikipedia - it *must* be true :-p )

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moon_pie

 

"Nutrition facts:

A MoonPie is made with marshmallow, which is a low-fat but high-sugar food. The nutritional content of a chocolate full-size or Mini MoonPie (from 2004) is detailed below, showing (full-size) 226 calories, saturated fat 3.5g, carbohydrate 40g, protein 4g, iron 5%, of a total weight of 57 grams (2 ounces). The nutritional data for a chocolate Mini MoonPie is about 65% the amount of full-size.
The ingredients are as follows:Enriched wheat flour (Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic acid), Corn Syrup, High Fructose Corn Syrup, Sugar, Vegetable Shortening (Contains Partially hydrogenated Soybean Oil and/or Cottonseed Oil and/or Coconut Oil and/or Palm kernel oil and/or Palm Oil), Soy Flour, Dutched Cocoa (Processed With Alkali), Cocoa, Gelatin, Baking Soda, Lecithin, Salt, Artificial Flavoring, Sodium sulfite.

Nutrition facts for chocolate MoonPie (full-size):

• Serving size 1 (57g or 2 oz)
• Calories: 226 Calories from fat: 51
• Total fat: 5.7g (saturated fat 3.5g) Cholesterol: 0mg Sodium: 188mg
• Total Carbohydrate: 40g (dietary fiber 0g, sugars 12.5g)
• Protein: 4g Vitamin A: 0% Vitamin C: 0% Iron: 5%.

Nutrition facts for chocolate Mini MoonPie:

• Serving size 1 (34g or 1.2 oz)
• Calories: 152 (or 130) Calories from fat: 40 (or 30)
• Total fat: 4.5g (saturated fat 3g) Cholesterol: 0mg Sodium: 120mg
• Total Carbohydrate: 26g (dietary fiber 0g, sugars 8g)
• Protein: 2.5g.

Note that the nutrition data is for a chocolate MoonPie or chocolate Mini MoonPie, while other flavors (such as banana, vanilla, strawberry, or orange) might have different nutritional content"

Can The New Mint Moon Pies Fix Me Up?

They looked like the trick and smell like a girl scout thin mint, YUM, but no in my case just another food item that insists that the daily heartburn after session three will continue. I continue with adding in/back a few items I think my system will tolerate this time. Each day my system tells me whether or not it is able to be processed. I'll dance the dance with tums in hand until this passes as I know it will.

You know you’re in trouble when...

a.      Your meds come to you in a bucket, and multiple people ask you to repeat your name and date of birth over and over and over and… to be sure it is *you* before they drop off your meds...

b.      Your meds look like cherry Kool-Aid, come in multiple HUGE syringes, and give you a two-week hangover..

c.      You sometimes need a pharmacy which doubles as a plumbing supply store…

For the record...

Bill



The amount of email I have been getting is overwhelming, but I do need to clear the air.  When Tracy posted the picture in the previous post, *it was not me*, regardless of what you may think.  My hair is straighter.

Fine. Maybe I'll Just Go Back To Bed.

Not Bill

My positive is this chick didn't show up at all this last round. I do feel like there is light at the end of the high dose tunnel but holy crap is it a long tunnel. I have really had to back off activities even more to maintain perspective. When push comes to shove, I shove myself into bed. I have the recipe for some peace at night and sleep may not cure all, but it sure cures a lot. As always your gentle words, gentle hugs, visits, prayers, cards, and communication electronic or otherwise is always what I hold close - even while I sleep.

Off To Bed

Chemo went fine but got some emotions coming out. Is it the menopause they have slammed me into at the same time? Or just the accumulated high dose meds as they mention will build, and build...? I think I've been doing very well so far so I am cutting myself some slack. Dr Hammond suggests the same. Off to bed as my orders are get more rest. Thank you all for the good vibes they do make a difference.

Off To See The Red Devil Tomorrow

Tomorrow is session three of the high dose chemo. Three out of four. Another milestone! Hit my wall early today, came home early from work, set my alarm for a nap before physical therapy, got there and back, talked to Janet on the vacation we had hoped to be on with she and Bob xoxoxo, got to see Bill, talked to Jeremy, took in a little nourishment, and going to crash into bed. Off to Rogan's in the morning for our new breakfast outting and over to oncology we go. Again by this time tomorrow it will be over. Always a good feeling.

Up Swing, Prayers & Good Vibes

Good days are the ones to count. As the chemo story goes it's hills and valleys. I do feel good. I do have tears, and I don't have hair, but those are not things I cling to. I am grabbing the good moments. I am taking all your positive energy and want to share it with others. Tonight I have three people on my mind and in my prayers - a young man facing inpatient chemo all week due to stage IV melenoma, a woman a little ahead of me in life but around the same chemo stage with uterine cancer, and a gentleman just finding out what kind of fight he faces. Cancer is not what powers me life does. I will hold onto it with the most positive force I can. I will share all the best vibes I can muster and I thank all of you again for sharing yours. It helps to keep this all going. It is a bigger embrace than you may have known. You all help to make life better.

Trick or Treat! Happy Halloween!

So many wigs to choose from during this frightful weekend, but I still remain not using mine or seeking others. My head has been crazy itchy with the symptoms of hair out. My shearing was a few weeks ago but the true fallout began this week. Bill and I got creative with how to enhance the progress. We got laughing about how to go about an assisted follicle departure - duct tape has so many uses as we all know but a little too over the top for being on the mend. Then we thought what about the sweater brush? Just couldn't go against the nap on my sensitive scalp. . We did find the key - painters tape! Very gentle, rolls along nicely, and conforms to my cute little head easily. Really did help move beyond the itchy part of waiting for stubble to rub off in my hat, pillowcase, towel etc. We probably could have created a little chemo hair chia product if we had been more thoughtful. Wonder if you could get a patent on that? As seen on TV or the blog... Keeping my sense of humor for hair I don't need to heal.  (no living hair was harmed in the creation of this post)