Hey, Y'all.....

So – I know you have already heard both Tracy and me talk about “Chemo brain” over the last year and a half.. I now have definitive proof that such a thing exists and is not just a theoretical concept as outlined by the American Cancer Society

When I left for Synergy this morning at 4:45 AM – Tracy was normal. She was asleep, but still normal. Upon my return, this is what met me and not sure what to do with this going forward?

Any help would be much appreciated. In the meantime I am trying to learn to speak Redneck, and am seeing if I can get all of the Jeff Foxworthy and Blue Collar Tour shows on DVD to keep her occupied.

I will say, however, the bottle opening in the hat brim will come in handy.

We will see.

Revised But Great Path

Got a revised surgery date today.  I am confirmed for November 21, 2011.  It'll be a really good week for Thanksgiving!  Meanwhile we have hallowed eve to creep by.  Beware.  Mind the cracks in the sidewalk ... I am going to have some fun on this path for a few weeks.

New Moon New Boobs....

Well this was our view this morning prior to sunrise at the beach.  We like to go by the beach on the way home from the gym whenever possible.  We later headed to the hospital for the appointment with Dr. Marble.  We stayed a good long time, got evaluated, heard the plan, signed a million forms, talked some more, and then I got a tentative date of November 14, 2011!  Holy new parts!  Stopped back by to Dr. McKee's office to do the other part of the confirmation for this day.  The two offices will get all the coordination completed, insurance pieces in play, and I'll get myself situated with work, then whamo my own personal autumnal change.  A full moon is ironically going to be on November 10, 2011.  It's the day I see Dr. Hammond prior to reconstruction.  Feels right and I don't think I could ask for a better circle of care.

Fall Festivals Pumpkins And More!

We headed over to Gilsum this past weekend and went into Keene for the pumpkin festival with Sheila.  We've never been to the festival before and it was fun.  It was quite a sight to behold after they light the pumpkins at night.  Being out in the woods in Gilsum always rejuvenates us.  The visit during the fall parallels the changes coming for me.  Tomorrow (Tuesday October 25, 2011) we meet with Dr. Marble my plastic surgeon. The plan should be even more defined after this appointment.  I'll let you know!

Making Strides Update

Well if I were wearing this wig myself you'd probably mutter kind words...  This guy had to have the wig on to walk.  It empowered him somehow.  The laughter always helps push you along.  I haven't heard the final total for the team who honored me.  xoxo  When I last spoke to Janet and Sheila the money was still coming in and they think they will surpass the $4100 from last year!  My handy sidekick will be putting the group photo together and I'll post some more pics.  It was a wonderful day.  So many more thank yous to put forth.  Such a great cause and such a great group gathered in Dover!

Sailin' Along

Kiteboarding at the local beach.  Ok it's not a pic of me, but it could be.  I got the gold seal of approval from Dr. McKee today.  He comes in and laughingly says "...you feeling better today?"  So yeah I'm feeling better.  So good I could go kiteboarding.  How hard can it be?  I felt a weight off my shoulders since my mental watery purge.  I've been building myself up to get to reconstruction and now I can.  Signed the initial paperwork today and talked through details and more details.  Dr. Hammond and Lisa had told me at my last oncology visits that by next summer I'll be feeling like a new woman.  Dr. McKee and Dr. Marble will combine their skills to get all the parts in the right places.  Then I'm bound to be sailing along for sure.

I Told Me So

Got an initial good report from my full breast ultra sound with Dr. Ras today.  Call me Alex he said.  Great easy manner with the full explanation of why we pursued this route, how he would proceed, not expecting to find anything, but what would happen if he did.  Amy was his assistant in the room.  Yet another wonderful, easy going manner.  Both good personalities to help ease Bill and I through the procedure.  I was in good mental shape getting prepped for today, but still I wanted to be able to set this aside as a confirmed milestone.  I didn't really sleep much last night but I'll catch up tonight.  The loss of sleep this time was more from excitement of having told myself over and over again - I'm in good health.  Bill and I will meet with Dr. McKee tomorrow afternoon to make the next surgical plan!  He will tell us again what he noted before - I am in great shape.  I need to keep myself healthy to get to surgery.  So you all know that's what I'll do.

No post, I just liked the picture...

Despite the coat, upturned collar, and hat - this was Capt. Tracy at the helm of Arabica in August of 2007 somewhere between the Isle of Shoals and Portsmouth Harbor.

24 Hours Later

Got some of the - pissed off at having had cancer - out of my system over the course of these 24 hours.  Stress pressed me a little backward with a migraine, which I haven't had in years, higher blood pressure than I thought I could have, and just a feeling of frustration.  I needed soothing and reassurance today.  Bill was first, then got my hugs in at Oncology with Meredith, Lisa, and Dr. Hammond.  Fortified, I'm back at it, and of course there are options.  I can have a complete breast ultrasound which is scheduled for next Tuesday.  Valerie was the tech last night and she was also one of the techs during some sessions of radiation.  She was wonderful when she had to stop the procedure and let me know she'd call Dr. Mckee's office to notify him the MRI could not be done.  Dr. Hammond reminded me my reports are all good, my mammo was good, and they were not expecting to see anything in the MRI.  It was going to be a stamp on the passport to reconstruction, but the seal of approval will just be from a different method.  I visited with Dr. Mckee's office as well.  Bill and I met with his nurse Linda to review the information at hand.  Dr. Mckee was not in the office today but his nurse Linda was on it.  He called me multiple times as the ultrasound was reviewed, pursued, booked.  Got plastics on the case as well.  Dr. Marble was in surgery but it was "she said if you called to tell you everything is going to be fine."  She's on it.  It was a day of circling the medical wagons.  I am so fortunate.  I am healthy.

No MRI

Long story.  Too much to write right now.  Short summary is my tissue expander has too much metal to conduct the test.  Some 18 months after my diagnosis I think I'm in the second stage of grief - anger.  Had myself a good old fashioned meltdown and put myself to bed last night.  Will write later.  Got to head to Exeter to talk with the team about what my plan is for assessment.  XO to all of you.  Thank you for all your loving notes, texts, cards, calls as I headed to yesterday's appointment.  You are all still with me today and I'll snap out of it.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow I Love Ya Tomorrow...

Tomorrow night at 6:00 on October 12, 2011 I have a diagnostic MRI scheduled.  I am both nervous and excited.  Even though the joint soreness has remained painfully the same, mentally I feel I am gaining bits of myself back each day.  In the war room of my brain that stores the battle strategies, I hold the many amazing patient stories of wonderful health that have been shared with me during my battle.  I'm leaning on all the fortification that they and all of you give to me to get me through to the results. 

Flight Of The Monarch

I still tell myself how far I've come.  Last year Sheals took me to the beach one afternoon and we sat on the bench just relaxing.  Then the monarchs started flying by.  Their migration is something to watch.  If you keep an eye out this week you'll see them briefly as they make their way to Southern California and Mexico for the winter.  The one on the top is a girl and on the bottom is a boy.  How's that for sybolism my favorite Park School students?  Bill and I made our way this past year to this great place.  Much farther than a monarch must travel.   Tremendous power, amazing strength.  That's what it takes to get here.

Reflection On This Weekend Last Year

I began my chemo on October 7, 2010 and finished on September 29, 2011.  Last year was a terrible, terrible reponse to the steriods.  Strung out, drugged in mulitple ways, very little appetite, but aiming for protien whenever possible.  Then it was water, water, and more water.  It was an unbelievable place that I found myself. 

This weekend I could actually do some chores.  I was able to iron clothes, work in the garage, vacuum a little, and get multiple loads of laundry done.  Even though my body is not completely up to speed I am so far past the heebie jeebies.  Water, water and more water is still in my daily routine.  I am back to a good protien diet with lots of antioxidants.  Food that the liver loves to keep things well filtered. 

Bill and I hunkered down last year. It was so surreal at times.  This year on this weekend we have been able to get out a little and enjoy these beautiful days we have been having.  Got to see some friends, got to the beach, got to sleep in without sleep aids.

It hasn't gone by in the blink of an eye, but it has gone by.  It feels wonderful.  I tell myself everyday, yes everyday, how fortunate I am.  How the treatment has been tolerable.  How lucky I am to have the medical team that I do.  How much better I will feel next year at this time. 

Thank you all again for the love, support, cards, emails, posts, and prayers.  I continue to carry all of you with me while I push forward in time.

Making Strides - How Blessed Am I?

I know it, I feel it, I try to live and share it.  There are many people in treatment that don't have family, support, sounding boards, someone to care for them when they go home after treatments, appointments, surgeries.  I cannot imagine that.  Blessed am I that is not my experience.  I am sharing a few threads with you.  The first is from Janet Manning Smith who a second year team captain for the Puckered-up Team.  The second one, my sister Jenn forwarded to me.  I don't do Facebook but my niece Miranda Pelletier posted about why she is walking and Jenn sent it to me.  Blessed, loved, humbled, ever so thankful for all of you.  I hope you will take a moment to read each one.  Participate if you can by walking with the group, donating any amount as it does make a difference, and/or pay it forward to anyone suffering from Cancer.  You have all made a tremendous impact in my life.

From Janet:
...there will be another Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk in Dover.     I am  walking again in support of my lifelong friend, Tracy Pelletier, and all those women close to us who have been challenged by this disease.   
Bob and I would like to invite all to our home for coffee and donuts again this year  before the walk.  Registration for teams begins at 9am and the walk starts at 10:30 am.  It was a spectacular fall day last year  and we are hoping for the same again this year.  Let us know if you are able to join us so we can have enough for all.
Please join the Puckered-up Team for a stroll on Sunday, Oct 16 or make a donation or, better still, BOTH!  Thanks for whatever you are able to do.  It means so much to so many.
Warmly,
Janet
Click here to visit my PERSONAL page.
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?px=17567407&pg=personal&fr_id=36167&fl=en_US&et=VrpGUuuJdHPBzX8jVkgzew&s_tafId=803205
Click here to visit our TEAM's page
If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?team_id=981591&pg=team&fr_id=36167&fl=en_US&et=8YK-LTDPalZVDf-KDpENfQ&s_tafId=803205

From my niece Mandy (#199 in the photo below) forwarded by Jenn:

Not sure if you had seen this as you are a non-facebook person. Thought she did a great job.
Love you! xo

The other day I heard, "Heroes are ordinary people who do extraordinary things." The sentiment stayed with me, and a couple days later I was checking up on my Aunt's blog when I had an epiphany, my Aunt Tracy is a hero. Her journey battling breast cancer is extraordinary, her courage is inspirational, and her positive attitude and humor throughout it all is superhuman.
Why am I walking?

Witnessing my aunt battle something so powerful, reading the confessions of her and my uncle's experiences in the Puckered-Up Blog, and watching as she kicks cancer's ass is inspiration to make the most out of life and let the little negative things slide by. I practice more gratitude each day, love more, laugh more. It becomes really easy to be SO grateful for the ordinary priviledges in life that aren't given much thought- being able to easily sleep at night, eat what I please, get a manicure or pedicure, shower without my skin in pain; when someone I love is so courageous, positive, and genuinely grateful for the good things in life even in the midst of a devastating battle. I'm so fortunate to have such an incredible rolemodel in my life whom exemplifies grace, beauty, and vivaciousness even in the thick of a storm.

No woman should have to go through this. Everyone deserves more birthdays, more life, more time with their family; no one should have to endure breast cancer. Alone, I can't make much of a difference; but together we all can. The money we raise goes to research for cures and new treatments, helps give access to screenings and care for all women, therefore helping reduce the risk of breast cancer or finding it earlier altogether.

The goal is to live in a world with less breast cancer and more birthdays. Each dollar raised is a means of inspiring hope and increasing awareness, getting us a little bit closer to the day when we can say that breast cancer will never steal another year from anyone's life.

I'm walking for all the women who prove that the unimaginable can be accomplished by experiencing breast cancer with courage and tenacity- encouraging and inspiring us all to be thankful for our health, our fortunes, our loved ones, and each day that we have.

I'm walking for my Aunty Tracy, who is a incredibly strong, beautiful, hilarious woman whose journey reminds me everyday to live life to the fullest.

I donated, and I'm asking you to donate too. Right now. It only takes a minute, and every little bit counts. Maybe you could skip Starbucks tomorrow and donate the $5 you'd usually spend on a latte? A little sacrifice from each of us amounts to a huge impact in someone else's life.

Thank you so much- from me personally & from all the lives you'll help positively impact!

Donate at: http://main.acsevents.org/goto/mirandapelletier

Ahh-Choo!

As you may have read, @TracyBP (yes, she is on Twitter, as am I @awpiii) has been having issues with persistent low-grade infections.  As for myself, I have been – at least up until now – somewhat immune to any seasonal vagaries of the upper respiratory system.  Earlier this week however, I developed a faintly familiar feeling, which has now developed into a full blown cold with the associated aches, low-grade fevers, snuffles, explosive sneezing, and fuzzy head syndrome.

Near as I can tell, the only thing which has changed is that since the end of August, I have been going to Synergy Health to work out just about every morning from 5AM to 6:30 AM on weekdays, and a little later on either Saturday or Sunday.  Obviously this “work out” crap is not good for you and I may need to rethink this whole “get healthy” strategy.  Also – I am finding myself unconsciously thinking in Austrian, and looking for things to lift up and then put back down.  Not sure why… (No, Maureen, the pic is *not* me.  My hair isn't that long and I haven't been waxed recently)

Anyway, when we arrived home today we broke out our stash of surgical masks and hand sanitizer for use until the snot season is over. Also - as soon as we run out of our stash of Federally Regulated NyQuil, I am opting for the new Knob Creek flavored variation.

Spreadsheet For The Home

I need to still keep track of my data so I began another spreadsheet.  It's weird to write it down everyday. Date, time of day, morning and night, left ear, right ear...  Because I passed the chemo phase I was looking forward to not having to keep information at my fingertips.  Instead I have data pouring out of my ears!  LOL!  Gotta get to bed to help wrangle what ails me.

Infectious? Maybe My Loud Laugh!

Met a new doctor today.  Dr. Kristin Lee - VERY nice.  She walked us through the thoughts on my circumstances of a very mild staph result shown in the device culture.  All my blood work had no growth, my ECHO and EKG are great, so the course is to remain conservative - not agressive -for now.  She added 9 days to my course of antibiotic.  Luckily it is just an adjustment to an oral medication and I don't need to receive medicine via IV.  I've had a few quirky months that's true.  I told her I thought the culture came back so mild because I am SO awesome about monitoring my health, REPORTING it well as a patient, and taking care of business outside of Oncology.  She laughed in agreement.  So we hope to see each other again, but only in the hallway! 

Adding A Doc

I get checked out tomorrow by the infectious disease doctor.  We haven't met yet.  I think that's pretty good if you ask me.  Even though I like the doctors I've been assigned, I wasn't looking for another one per se.  I need to get a better night's rest tonight.  My writhing isn't helpful to either me or Bill for sleep.  It's funny I met a woman last fall, a patient in the office.  She heard about my circumstance and she asked her provider if she could speak to me.  She was sweet and kind and thoughtful.  She told me she was a year down the road from her initial treatments and life was beginning to smooth out again.  She needed all the chemical aids too, she wanted me to know.  She had been able to scale most of them back and was feeling much more like herself.  I do feel that I have longer periods of that at times.  I can't say I get them everyday but they are there.  Even though there can be frustration, it does feel wonderful to get really great glimpses of me. 

Are You Comfortable?

I treated myself at Synergy on Saturday morning to my first full body massage since attacking cancer.  It was another funny initial experience.  I need extra pillows under my stomach and above my chest to keep my boobs from being directly on the table.  The area where my port was is still tender and the tissue expander is getting a little more uncomfortable as times progresses.  Think partially deflated kick ball...  The therapist Lynn, gave me two types of pillows, and a bunch of towels to get myself situated.  By the time she came back I was all discombobulated, sweating bullets with a nice hot flash, and had forgotten to take my glasses off.  She helped me get comfortable with my forehead well supported so I wouldn't have to use the head cradle in the traditional way.  We were both laughing by the time she could begin.  I'm a lot of work I told her.  I asked her to concentrate on my tricky right side.  She worked out as many kinks as one can in the hour.  My shoulder from front to back is just so tight and I didn't realize how tight the clavicle area was until she started kneeding it.  Her touch felt great though and I was able to relax and let some of the physical tension go.  I need to focus on getting some more kinks worked out as I move forward...  This seems like a heavenly task to take on for a bit.  I slept soundly without chemical aid on Friday, but these bloody hot flashes kept me writhing last night.  So you can understand why I can snooze in a massage or an ECHO.  I'll relax however and whenever I can!