Ten days Post-Op...

It's Monday, ten days post op, and today we hit the chemo, radiation, and hormone therapy trifecta.

With all of the pathology results in, we finally now know why Tracy’s arm hurts so much. Officially, fourteen lymph nodes were removed during surgery (along with everything else), not just few which is what both of us of sort of remember from the foggy haze of last week.

The numbers are: three of the fourteen axillary lymph nodes removed were determined to contain cancer, and the official size of the main tumor mass was between four and five centimeters. These stats, combined with a few other things like having positive hormone receptors, and testing negative for the HER2 oncogene, lead to an official recommendation of: 16 weeks Chemotherapy, several weeks off for rest, followed by seven weeks of radiation, topped off by a multi-year (five) course of hormone therapy. Definitely not the E-ticket ride we were hoping for unfortunately.

If that wasn’t enough, the “dose dense” cocktail being recommended, Adriamycin / Cytoxin / Taxol, is a definite hair-today, gone-tomorrow thing… As with just about everything else that has hit us over the last two months, we learn more each day about what is happening and what it will take to beat this. I know we say it over and over in the blog, as well as to those of you we've seen in person - but your support, thoughts, and positive comments are uplifting and keep both of us moving forward.

Bill

You Can Shower Now

You'd think this would be glorious wouldn't you? A week after surgery, no more sponge baths, real water, less european, spic'n span clean... Beware the warm water so you don't pass out and mind the swollen nodes 'cause man they aren't keen on this process yet.

One Week Down

It does still seem unreal that I've gotten a diagnosis, had surgery, and will attend my "multidisciplinary meeting" on Monday afternoon. I'm feeling a little unbalanced in both mind and body parts but I am still trying to maintain perspective on my path toward good health. I've been quiet on my blog only because I am still pretty swollen and typing in an ergonomically correct position isn't very comfortable. I have Bill ever attentive, ever so gentle, and ever so loving by my side, and all of your calls, emails, comments, cards, texts etc still mean everything to both of us. Your thoughts and acts of love and kindness add power to the days.

Adiós, Señor Jackson y Señor Pratt

After yesterday’s letdown (hearing that the JP drains needed to stay in until daily output was under 20cc), this morning’s harvest yielded only about 5cc of – uh – “exudate”. (My new vocabulary word of the week)

After a quick call to Dr. Marble’s office to say we think we met the “low output” metric, we got the question: “How soon can you come in?”.. I said: “We could maybe be there in about a half hour?”, and then looked over at Tracy and started to ask if that was ok, but she was already getting up to go brush her teeth, and comb her hair. She was most definitely ok with the half hour timeline.

No more drain stripping, no more drain care, no more Mr. Plumber…

If you are interested, either a) google “Jackson Pratt Drain”, or if you are *not squeamish* - at all - b) go to YouTube.com and search for the same term. I guess being in the line of work that I am that I should not be surprised as what people post online – but…

Suffices to say – Tracy is VERY happy to be done with these medieval things, and so am I.

Bill "BC" P.

Draining

Well besides having undergone the surgery and all it has taken mentally to get to today - yup I'm drained. Just to make sure I am completely drained they need to leave in two Jackson-Pratt drains to ensure all is well so far. (The identification of the drains is for my science addict friends.) I had my first post-op appointment yesterday and hoped to get them out but alas I am a tad over the allowance. Hence Bill remains my ever so tender plumber for this process and we have learned how to time the meds and the minds to get the job done. As my Uncle John used to say "tender country there", but my guy Bill can wrangle bacitracin on a cotton swab with the lightest touch. Maybe tomorrow can be the day for removal, so today I'll try and stay still as I can.

My McDreamy

Well today is Wednesday and I have made it this far. I have blurred visions of my nurses Cat, Linda and LNA Annie while in my room who were gentle and caring. The surgical team I have to give a blanket thank you to because you kept me nice and drugged and you I don't remember - not even how I got to my room. Dr McKee and Dr Marble have been wonderful and they remain steadfast in their positive statements of walking me through the steps.
My guy Bill is my McDreamy through this process. He has held me, reassured me, loved me extra when I was struggling this weekend, and known at every moment how to bring me to a place of comfort. He is gentle, loving, attentive and my favorite shoulder to lean on.

Weekend Activities…

Friday was the last day of the past.

Saturday was a day of transition.

Sunday was a day of adjustment.

Monday – was – well, Monday.

We’ve settled into sort of a pattern, and both of us are getting pretty good at the unwrap, unpack, drain, document, daub, repack, and rewrap routine. We did give up on the killer lavender corset though, and opted instead for the ultra-wide, 6 foot long Ace bandage compression wrap using the “pirouette spiral” wrapping method. It’s much easier on both of us. It doesn’t hurt Tray as much, and I no longer am afraid of getting my eye poked out by the zipper of that corset slipping from my fingers and whipping all the way around Tracy’s back at Mach-2.

Today’s adventure was taking on more “normal” food. Well - so much for the adventure and it’s back to basic bland tomorrow. I won’t delve into any detail here, but you can use your imagination. The one high point today, though, was the opening of Salon Pelletier. There’s nothing like hot water, shampoo, and clean hair after four days…

Maybe, just maybe, I’ll get TBP to get back online tomorrow... We’ll see…

Bill

Back home.

Tracy's back home. We rolled into the yard around 3 PM, and she's sitting upright and planning on watching some rather ridiculous reality TV show.. But - that's ok –she has taken her post-op drugs for the afternoon and will fall asleep eventually. Then – I get the remote back...

At the moment – she’s packed in ice with her stylin' lavendar compression wrap and making a few phone calls – at least until the Darvocet kicks in..

Bill

Saturday morning and escape plans...

 (Bill)


I did finally relent late last night and went home to catch a few zzzzzz’s after the charge nurse and I exchanged a “password” so that I could call in if needed... After agonizing over it for about 30 seconds, I chose a rather traditional proper name, rather than what I would normally be inclined to choose for a password. I realized that “Tqbfj0+ld” would be too hard to pronounce, and would require way too much time to explain to a lay person. I hated to go, but it did give me an opportunity to see Taylor once more before he left early this morning (6 AM) for his fall semester at Ithaca.

Tracy had a good night, and was actually in the head (“bathroom” for the non-boating/non-mil folks) when I arrived shortly after 7 this morning. It took her a minute or two to navigate back to her bed, trailing a cart with several IV tubes, a monitor, and of course, the ever-present PCA pump (it takes C-cell batteries, by the way). PCA – is short for Patient Controlled Analgesia which allows one to self-administer pain meds (up to a preset limit).. clicky clicky happy happy..

I did learn a very important lesson this morning, though. When the green clicky-happy button (attached to the PCA pump) is looped up and away from the patient, it apparently means that they should not have it in their possession any longer. I didn’t realize this until after I had handed it back to Tracy because – well – she asked for it. When the nurse came back in later she looked a little confused about how Tracy had managed to get up and get the cord and button. I just kept on typing on my notebook and didn’t look up because - I suck at Poker..

From what we have for information (and from what my medically untrained eye can tell), the wound site is looking good and the drains (medieval looking things, actually) are doing their job well. So – If I am able to complete the tunnel, I should be able to get us out of here by early afternoon. If need be, I can bribe the guards with the nylons and chocolate bars I stocked up on earlier.

Probably no more updates until after we get home later today. Oh – and for those of you who have tried our cells, I am not picking up calls when I’m in her room but I absolutely will pick up if I’m away from Tracy’s room. If you call and I don’t pick up - please leave a voicemail!! If your number is blocked, and I don’t recognize the number, I/we won’t know you called ;-) ..


Bill

Say hello to my little friend!

Friday Evening – PostOp. On to Page 2...

Tracy’s surgery went well – a little longer than was anticipated, and with a late start.  All in all – she’s doing well.  Groggy, a fair amount of pain (duh), and very thirsty. She’s had nothing to drink since last night other than several liters of Lactated Ringer’s (blech). 

Lots of medtech around, blinking lights, beeboops, zzzzshhzzzing noises, and a really cool pump dispensing something that  is most definitely non-OTC pain medication.  (it is in a locked box and will be her bestest friend for the next twelve to eighteen hours)  Supper consists of tea, ginger ale, orange jello, and chicken broth.  It will probably be the most expensive cup of orange jello she’s had – ever.

Not much else to share at this point other than she’s resting and we should be home sometime tomorrow.     Bill...

It's Friday noontime - finally.

(Bill here…)

A short post – need to go get lunch…

We were a tad late getting started (12:30 PM rather than Noon), but by the time this gets posted, Tracy will be sound asleep.   After a steady train of docs and nurses, more questions, wrist band checking and double checking, medication injecting, and purple magic marker marking, we’re off and running..  She’ll be under for 3 to 4 hours, and then an hour or in recovery, so I do not expect any updates to be posted until mid to late afternoon.    I’m having to jump through several hoops to get to the blog from here – but should not be a problem.  When I get any new information, I’ll send it along. 

Bill

A Poet & He Knows It

O never star

Was lost; here

We all aspire to heaven and there is heaven

Above us.

If I stoop

Into a dark tremendous sea of cloud,

It is but for a time; I press God's lamp

Close to my breast; its splendor soon or late

Will pierce the gloom. I shall emerge some day.

__"Faith" by Robert Browning

Sent to me by another soul friend who says she is blog challenged. xoxo

From the depths of our souls Bill and I thank you all so much for your love and support. We'll be communicating from the other side of this conversation later today. My pre-op time is today at 10:30 and surgery still scheduled currently for noon. It should last a minimum of 3.5 hours and into recovery I go after that. AND that is no irony.

Texting Love & No food or Water After Midnight

One of my best friends texted me this morning. She said "Can't stop thinking about u. All good thoughts. Today is the day u kick the big C. Love you, huge XO"

OK quit making making me cry today. You all know I shouldn't be putting out water that I can't replace until afte my surgery. I'm thirsty and it's only 7:30am.

Cancer Sense vs. Common Sense

Well I had to shop late yesterday for all my post op items. One trip took me to the health food store for Arnica. I was trying to figure out the difference between the tablets and the gel so I politely waited in line and asked the gal. Oh she says it is great for body trauma. Have you had some body trauma? AND... cancer sense took over. I couldn't breath and couldn't speak. After I made her uncomfortable by my lost voice I squeaked out "I'm having a mastectomy tomorrow."
OH she says you'll need both in the value pack! This stuff works great! Don't put it directly on the wound just around the surrounding areas. Don't worry you are going to be fine! Good luck!
Common sense did not return to me until after I left, got to my car, had a little meltdown, and drank my water - cause I'm supposed to stay "overhydrated" all day in preparation for Friday.

Late instructions on commenting on posts... Oops...

(It's ME - read: Bill (not Tracy))

A brief explanation of one of those things that is not obvious at all - sorry for any confusion.. When you write comments to either Tracy's heartfelt posts, or to my rather clever repartee (if I do say so myself), they will not show up until either Tracy or I have had a chance to review them to be sure it’s not some webbot sending crap our way. The site is not publically visible, but it is not secured either.

Because of this, comments could potentially be posted which would have links taking you to really, really bad websites and not just the ones that show body shop parts. It could very easily become a conduit for malware (read: viruses, worms, and trojans oh my) distribution to our friends and family, not that I - would – do - that to anyone…. (BwaHaHaHa!!!). So in order to do our best to not infect you, we review each comment and retain positive control over whether it is published.

As of 1500hrs EDT (3 PM Eastern for those non-Mil folks) no word yet on what time we report to the Surgical unit tomorrow. As far as communicating what’s happening / happened / etc tomorrow – keep an eye on this page.

If you want a text message or an email, send me an email with that information to (and pay attention here): SaneAndGuilty(at)gmail(dot)com. You will need to replace the four character string (at) with the single @ character, and the five character string (dot) with a period . (under the > on your keyboard).   For an extra $9.95 per minute, I can even call you, too, but I'll need a credit card and your mother's maiden name, and the name of your first pet (or first hsusband / first wife).

It is *extremely* important that you never put a real email address in a public blog like this as it can be harvested (really) to use for Spam generation. That’s how a lot of the junk mail you probably get is originally created. So – for example, had I said my email address is BillIsAHunk(at)Somemail(dot)com, you would actually use the address BillIsAHunk@Somemail.com. Same thing with cell phone numbers for text messages. If you want a text message sent to your cell phone at 603-555-1212, you would do something like this: “six oh three five five five one two one two”.

Now that I’ve thoroughly confused everyone , here is something else to get a headache over (rather than the “usual” things…). This is computer geek stuff – so feel free to stop reading now.

 The phone number (603) 555-1212 in various numbering systems would be:

• Hexadecimal: 167BF33EC
• Binary: 101100111101111110011001111101100
• Octal: 54757631754
• Belinda: 6035551212
• Staples: HEY BILL!!!
• Smith: .08

My fingers are tired now, so must close.. I am sure Tracy will be on later to apologize to everyone about me, and maybe she has more info on times which she will share.

Stay tuned. 

Bill

Nodes are nodes...

Apparently – some folks who are not reading the posts too carefully (Cough.. Janet) don’t quite know who is speaking. For the record – if you look at the very bottom of the post, it will say “posted by”, and a name. Either it will be “Bill” (me), or “Tracy” (not me). So – RTFBP is the operative phrase here. Read the (fine) blog post… Ok – some node humor…


Knock, knock..


Who’s there?


My Nodes…


My Nodes who?


My nodes ith sthuffy. Got a thithu?

Or –

“What’s a lymph node?


One which is not rigid…”

Don’t think about it too hard…

Anyway – happy news about the second biopsy. Happy news in that thing is not worse than was potentially the case last week. It doesn’t mean that it is better, it’s just not worse. With all that has been occurring – we’ll take “…not worse…”, thank you very much..

Signed: Me (not Tracy)

My Nice Nodes

Yippee! My nodes slammed the little cancer door knockers right in the cells. My pathology came back yesterday clean from the node biopsy. Phew! I am happy to be keeping my armpit thank you.
If you looked at the FlexHD article Bill sent, and go into the levels of links, you get a good picture of the area of skin that is impacted. Looking down from my clavicle at the area that needs to be covered is strange. I think I need to pretend I am walking into the magic transformation room and just leave it at that for now.
I really feel that all your love, support, dancing, laughing, prayers, inner voices shared, outer voices that must be heard, and yes your loving irreverence is what hooked onto each node and formed the barrier.
I continued to be honored by how much you share of yourselves, giving me more as I have had to draw from you. We all have stuff and life does keep going, I am keeping up with the strength you have surrounded me with. No burdens here just peaceful thoughts heading into Friday.

Parts is Parts and Beer Bellies

Found this on Youtube – it’s a classic.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTzLVIc-O5E&p=A7DDBB7DEFD5A4E8&playnext=1&index=25

Now that you’ve watched that and have Chicken Breast Parts is Parts on the brain (for some time to come I am sure), take note below.

** Warning **

(The link below may not be for everyone – not kidding.)

Personally, I’ve seen too much, both online (hazards of being in IT Security) and in life (jury duty on double homicide / insanity trial) to have much of a filter any more – so some may find the product described in this link disturbing. But being the techno-geek that I am (Tracy’s a closet geekette – she just won’t admit it) I am fascinated with the technology used as being the ultimate in “parts” recycling… The product is used as part of the reconstruction process used after they – uh – remove other parts.

Alternatives to using this type of product are both painful, and somewhat debilitating. There is one procedure – called a TRAM flap, which if done from the tummy area, sometimes has a rather peculiar side-effect. You know how when you put on weight, that your tummy area sort of gets larger quicker (sometimes much larger) than the rest of you? Well – if that area is used as part of a reconstruction, then – it sort of will grow too if you retain too many calories. What happens though is that you sort of end up with a second beer belly – only it’s not in your belly area – it’s up north a tad and off to one side or the other a bit.. Keep in mind that one of our (Tracy’s actually) surgeons didn’t actually use the phrase "Beer Belly Boob" – but that’s the first thought that came to my somewhat twisted sensibility.

Again – in all seriousness – if you think you might be saddened by visiting this link, please don’t. If you think it will offend you – and depending on who you are (there’s only one or two of you I think) – I sincerely apologize in advance – but you should really read the product material in the context of what it is used for and why.

For the rest of you – suck it up and click the link. It’s a safe link – as far as you know.

http://www.ethicon360.com/products/flex-hd-acel-hydrated-dermis-breast-reconstruction

And - who comes up with these company names?? Ethicon? Seriously.

Magic Sock drawer..

I was informed yesterday that I had about two weeks’ worth of socks and (clean) undies and that after that – I was on my own. Up until now – the (not clean) socks and undies in the hamper (and other locations) would magically transport themselves downstairs, through the washer, then the dryer, and then return by themselves folded and stacked in the top left / right dresser drawers.

My scientific observation (up until yesterday) was that the magic was somehow initiated by my opening then closing an empty sock / undies drawer, and then making the round trip from the bedroom to the basement back to the bedroom. The next day, voila!, clean socks and underwear neatly stacked and folded. I don’t think any elves were involved, except for my work shirts and slacks. There was a special bag for those, and twice a week, the bag would move to the garage, and in its place that afternoon would appear other shirts and pants on hangers, neatly starched and pressed and enclosed in plastic bags.  It was always a magical transmutation from dirty to clean and wrinkled to pressed.

Reality check.

The reality is that very simple things like this go pretty much unnoticed until you start having to make plans for what is going to happen when with this kind of event slaps you up against the side of the head.

Make no mistake, nothing your spouse, best friend, partner (all of the above in my case) does for you can be taken for granted. There are no magic sock drawers, the garbage doesn't take itself out, the recycling doesn't know whether it's a 2 or a 3, or if it's pressboard or cardboard, and there most definitely is no magic in remembering to send out the shirts.

So – for Tracy – and for me - do this: If you haven’t done it lately, take a look around you and think about what you have taken for granted from someone close to you, and make a promise to not take their activities for granted any more. The trick here is, though, you have to let them know that you know that they know that you now know what you should have known before. Otherwise - the magic of that revelation will be lost.

Cancer Clothes

When you go in for this kind of surgery they are very specific about what to wear. I tried shopping for cancer clothes tonight but I just wasn't that successful. I'll look more this weekend but this is definitely not a shop 'til you drop kind of deal.

You Have My Permission

Holy day of consents! Well it's seems more real today - my surgery is slated for Friday August 20 at noon. 31 minute phone pre-op, a trip to both surgeon's offices, a stop in outpatient surgery, and another call on Wednesday. I should be signed, sealed, and delivered to everyone's satisfaction by Friday. I get to have a slumber party there and since I'm making a serious deposit I am expecting good snacks.

Up early Cancer knocking

Geez what the heck. I dutifully took my ambien to get my rest and some little gremlin came knocking on my head at the crack 'o dawn. I am not a great greeter at 4:00am to such breathtaking thoughts. Not Grand Canyon kind of breathtaking, but I got my pre-op instructions in the mail kind of breathtaking. One more piece of paper for the giant bonfire of purging when my clean bill of health comes knocking.

The Lousy Bowling League

To my fellow lousy bowling friends all Kim wants to know is will this surgery improve my game?

Where in the world is my ice pack?

Thank you all for your wonderful emails and comments. For support of my good mental and physical health you are dancing for me, walking down the road with me, sharing my blog with others, laughing out loud with me, writing to me with prayers and irreverence, holding me as a concern of your heart, riding with my name in the LiveSTRONG Phila challenge, and absolutely helping to keep me in the positive, positive, positive.
My heart is full and my nodes better not be. I iced the little buggers well last night and icing my new swollen- let's now call it a side boob- for the evening. Freezing uncooperative cells into submission from the seacoast.

If it's Wednesday, it must be Needle Biopsy day (again)...

Another day winds down. Tracy had another biopsy today - this time to take samples from other lymph nodes which had been identified during last week's MRI as being "agitated". It is somewhat funny (to me, being an IT guy) that the concept of an "agitated lymph node" would make for a great XKCD frame (http://www.xkcd.com/). If you're not an XKCD frequenter, you should be.. I did manage to get a somewhat clear pic of Tracy (in her purple johnny) and me waiting for Dr. Murphy to come whisk her to the exam room.

Even though today involved small needles concealed within large needles, ultrasound, and yet more lidocaine, it all went fairly smoothly (for me anyway). Another small nip under her arm, another bandaide, and another ice pack.

All I had to do was wait. I had a good wireless connection and both notebooks were running well (work PC, and my PC). I did get several strange looks, though, when folks would pop in and check in - seeing me lounging on a couch, surrounded by two notebook PCs, several power bricks, and two BlackBerrys.

I'll let Tracy fill you in more later on (we have a date for surgery now), but she's sleeping off the "relaxation" meds she took earlier this morning and probably won't get to it until later. Oh - and I have a rather nasty paper cut on my thumb from handling some of the paperwork.

Bill

Well Burst My Boob I Must Be Dense 8/6/10

So today’s appointment brought surprising news. The MRI final report shows a constellation of cancerous areas that are spritzed like a low calorie salad dressing spray off the actual mass. The density of the area was certainly a concern but the final views are lit like the night sky. When the doc called the other night he was speaking to the bone scan and my nervous ears were trying to be positive. Must have been a faux blonde moment.

The good news remains my situation is still very treatable, just a more in-depth treatment. Lumpectomy will not be a consideration for my case – so on we go to extreme makeover!

I now have several more tests, biopsies, and consultations over the coming week. Thank you to Dr. McKee's Tracey in the office for getting back to me this afternoon. Waiting for anything during this process sucks, information feels powerful. His group gets this. Enough said.

This weekend we’ll enjoy all the good stuff that life brings us. Kids are coming Sunday night for dinner and loud music to sing to is filling up my files.

Funny Flowers 8/5/2010

(Previously written to some of you, but including here ‘cause I can.) Thank you so much for your hugs, kisses, prayers, great vibes and amazing good thoughts. I still know all the good stuff in life and I’m finding my funny moments along the way. My funny flowers today turned out to be the answer to the simple statement/question we’ve all asked a million times – those flowers are beautiful is it your birthday? Anniversary? Nope just cancer…

One’s Inner Voice 7/27/10

Ok so we all know it – there are times in life when you have a funny, or a mean, or a snide, or a sad remark that you shouldn’t say aloud. The remark stays intact politely unshared. It is the inner voice that you may or may not choose to share later with your friends – maybe not. Cancer doesn’t care so I may not. Watch out!

The poor lab tech at the hospital almost got a thought shared with her. I came down the elevator fresh from the biopsy result meeting to get my blood drawn. The receptionist sees my red tear stained face and gently brings me in to expedite my registration and allow me privacy away from the general (healthy -inner voice word) waiting area. The tech comes along fresh from her break. I get brought to her. She whips around to do the standard ole’ draw and takes one look at me and says “you ok?”

See some of you already know my humor. .. Yes my inner voice of “yeah all ok except my new breast cancer” – this stayed in my head and she was spared.

Dr. Rod McKee Chapter One 7/27/10

Everyone knows that Bill’s my guy. Now I have two.

God Bless Dr. Mckee. P.S. his nurse Linda, and Beth who made appointments for me while my guy Bill & I tearfully sat with her.

Biopsy 7/22/2010

Is that the size of a nutter butter cookie?! No Trace that is magnified. God bless Dr. McKee period.

Extra Special Mammogram July 14, 2010

Seriously men have no clue. Yes I now agree take a testicle and put it in a medical vice, hold your breath, hold it, release. AND if something doesn’t look right do that perhaps 12 more times from every view of your testicle possible.

Ultrasound on the same day as the Special Mammogram

Pretty darn quiet in that room. Oh yeah we have begun Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Puckered up June 2010

Ok they really mean it; it is not a gentle kiss of Mother Nature. If you see any hint of something on your breasts, run do not walk to your doctor. Doctor says Geez Trace I can’t see it. Come stand behind me and look down over my right shoulder at the small puckered area. Sneaky little bugger. Taunts you to test it and see what happens.